The answer to the question when is it important to discuss end of life issues varies, amongst the population, and different cultures. In Western civilization, we are hearing that more serious discussions are needed to take place within the family homes,more so in the present, than in the past. The reason is that the vast majority of people travel, more to their jobs, vacations, and simple driving for pleasure,which makes sense that discussions on the matter of end of life issues must be discussed, more so now than ever.
There are no set times when to discuss the important issues of end of life. It was not customary for many families to talk about death, or talk about the issues of life illnesses, the making of living wills,these were not something many families were willing to discussed among relatives, and the power of attorney was not written down most of the time, parents knew what they would do to save their love one's in case of grave illness.
Today it is not so, the individual have to make a decision before any illness is foreseen, and must have the power of attorney ready in case he /she cannot make decisions for themselves. In most cases it is best to say that the proper time to start a discussion about end of life is when that individual leaves home to start a family, in this way they both know what each other wants in case they are incapacitated due to a serious accident or a terminal illness.
By doing so they would have every thing in place especially, if young children are involve, they would know who is going to take the children and care for them, if both parents dies, too many incidents take place when families go against one another as to who would raise a siblings children, if a will is not made out.
The head of the family need to raise, and discuss the end of life issues the word DNR, Power of Attorney (Health Care Proxy) and, living Will, are all legal papers, that takes care of an individual, who are not able to make decisions on their own if incapacitated.
Perhaps if the general public educate themselves more about what the advance directives entails, it would help individuals, or families make wise decisions to make an effort to have a Will and Health care proxy filled out making it easier for everyone, that are involved with a love one, making life less complicated when discussing the End of Life Issues.
The whys of discussing this topic is not on the forefront of everyone mind, for those that have discussed the end of life issues with their love one's is great. The many that were unfortunate to, must ask themselves why is it important to discusses these issues, it may have been they were not educated , or have been told that it was costly to have a Will, and Health proxy made out, the truth is it is not.
The best defence one can have is to discuss the issues, and take the necessary steps to make sure that it's what you and your family wants, knowing the truth about what is important puts you in a position of security, and knowing this makes it feel right that you have done the right thing. What matters now is that the family is at ease because of the discussion.
Since we know that death is inevitable, and that we will have to come to terms facing the death of a loved one, should we not prepare for what we know is certain, and have the understanding as to why it is important to discuss the end of life issues.
To be able to discuss this issue we need to come to the understanding, death is not an easy thing to discuss or a place to be, but neither is it horrible as we imagine, that is why it is very important to discuss the end of life issues, by preparing ourselves well in advance, we will be able to deal with issues that may arise, and be comfortable discussing them.
Tuesday, December 20, 2011
Wednesday, December 14, 2011
IS MOURNING NECESSARY? AND WHY?
Purpose:
It is necessary for all humans to mourn, from the time and day we were born we all had that instinct that if we cry as babies, we will get what we want. Instinct that is built in us are ways of asking for help, that we are hungry, or I want you to be close to me. Close relationship plays a major part of the mourning process not only amongst babies, but teens, adolescences and adults.
If we took a trip back in time when we were babies we would see the need we had as little boys or girls, while growing up, we cry when left alone, in a room while our mothers, or caregiver left the room for any long period, although we were able to see or hear the voice of that person.
It is not being in the same room that may have a lot to do with how much we had bond with that individual (Mother,Father) the close bonding may be strange at first, but it was the only way a baby knew he/she could keep mother or father at arms length, by getting the attention they deserved.
Children cry for many reasons, when the attachment between parents and child is great it makes it very difficult to leave the child with anyone. It is worst when that baby grows to be a toddler, and have to attend preschool, and mother may have to leave him/ her with someone the child is not familiar with.
The child mourns for his/her mother because the separation is great, that they may cry for a long period of time before settling down, and adapting to the familiar surroundings.Everyone mourns, which is necessary, not only for our health but society expects that of us, when loss has occurred. This is true especially those that we loved, and had a strong relationship with.
The facts are most of us that have a healthy attachment usually had a good relationship with their mother, while on the other hand, those with an unhealthy attachment may have had a bad relationship with their mother, that may not be true in all cases.
ATTACHMENT THEORY (Bowlby 1979)
The term attachment is the strong emotional bond that develops between infants and caregiver, providing the infant(s) with emotional security. It can be said that it is an active, affectionate, reciprocal relationship specifically between two individuals, as distinguished from all other persons. What this says is the interaction between the two parties continues to be reinforced and strenghten while their bond.
In (1969) Bowlby applied the idea to the infant caregiver bond, which was inspired by Lorenz (1952) studies of imprinting in baby geese. He believed that the human baby, like the young of most animal species, are equipped with a set of built-in behaviors that help keep the parent nearby, increasing the chance that the infant will be protected from danger, and contact with the parent also ensures that the baby will be fed, but Bowlby was careful to the point out that feeding is not the basis for attachment.
Virtually any activity on a baby's part that leads to a response from the adult is an attachment behavior: sucking, crying,smiling, clinging, choking, hiccuping, moving the body, changing the rhythm of breathing, sneezing, burping, and ,looking into the mother's eyes. (Richards,1071: Robson, 1967: Bowlby, 1958)
According to Bowlby, (1969) the infant's relationship to the parent begins as a set of innate signals that call the adult to the baby's side. As time passes, a true affectionate bond develops, which is supported by new cognitive and emotional capacities as well as a history of consistent, sensitive, responsive care by the parent.
Out of this experience, children form an enduring affectionate bond with their caregiver enabling them to use this attachment figure as a secure base across time and distance.
The inner representation of this parent child bond becomes an important part of their personality. It serves as an internal working model, or set of expectations about the availability of attachment figures, the likelihood of receiving support from them during times of stress, and the interaction with other figures. This image becomes the basis for all future close relationships during infancy, childhood, adolescence, and adult life.
Bowlby's (1969) attachment theory appears to be quite sound. Although it looks right our earliest relationship becomes an important part of our lives, and that the internal working models guides us throughout any future relationships. However even though Bowlby's (1979) theory makes good sense, we have to evaluate the evidence that was used to support it.
Using the attachment theory to explain the question is Mourning necessary? And Why?: Let's look at the definition of mourning ----- It is the process of adapting to the losses in our lives. I will go one step further and say ---- It is the losses of everything we may have acquire throughout our life, which have been loss, and which have been significant to us over time.
Since separation is a high cost to pay for any child the mere idea of a mother leaving a child for any length of time is a loss given that built in instinct. The child thinks, that his /her mother is gone and may not return, and begins to cry until mother has returned.
If we talk about the loss of people we have loved, not those from whom we are emotional disengaged. I am talking about losses that gives us good cause to grieve, the weight of our grief could crush or drive those around us away, making all our earlier losses to resurface. How do we know that we are fending off mourning, and not just what is untouched by the loss? According to Bowlby, (1969) there are many clues; we may be tense and short-tempered, or had and formal, or cheerful, or withdrawn, or drawn excessively to abuse, alcohol or drugs.
We may have physical symptoms, trading in psychic for bodily pain, we may have insomnia and bad dreams, and may not be able to tolerate any discussion of loss. Though out life each one of us in some way form or fashion have to mourn. It may be for a pet, husband, wife, job or siblings, no matter what or how the loss came we have to mourn.
People form attachments through relationships,forming a strong bond, at times, when that relationship ends we find ourselves mourning, because of what was meant to each other. According to Bowlby (1969) he said that, the bereaved doesn't need consolation, condolences, encouragement, solace or support; he /she needs information.
In his book "Loss" Bowlby (1982) does not describe what therapy would be like, he explained that attachment behavior, separation behavior etc, can be useful, especially if adults talked about their own situation, and own mode of dealing with the inadequate help after the loss of someone they were closed to.
It is therapeutic, in a small way, knowing that "chronic mourning" or "disorganization" is part of nature and is mostly related to the behavior of primates in the wild, which relieves the bubble of isolation that the chronic griever may be stuck in.
The crucial point Bowlby make entails the notion that the bereaved doesn't know his life has radically changed after his/her attachment figure is loss. He/she will attempt again and again to deal with everyday situation as if his/her world worked the same as usual, when in actual fact everything has changed, new and unknown.
That is why the mourning process develops healthfully when the bereaved painfully learns that his .her life is hinged round his/her attachment figure, and that what made sense with him/ her before doesn't make sense any more.
Three phases of Separation
Protest : Related to separation
Despair: Related to Grief and mourning
Detachment or Denial : related to defense / isolation
Task of Mourning
Denial / isolation / shock; Anger; Depression; Bargaining ; Acceptance
Mourning is necessary if we are too remain healthy, if and when we have any loss, and we do not mourn or grieve it can have mental, and physical implication in our lives, which can be detrimental. With these ailments bad thoughts can manifest itself through dreams, which may or may not lead us to hurt our self.
It is necessary for all humans to mourn, from the time and day we were born we all had that instinct that if we cry as babies, we will get what we want. Instinct that is built in us are ways of asking for help, that we are hungry, or I want you to be close to me. Close relationship plays a major part of the mourning process not only amongst babies, but teens, adolescences and adults.
If we took a trip back in time when we were babies we would see the need we had as little boys or girls, while growing up, we cry when left alone, in a room while our mothers, or caregiver left the room for any long period, although we were able to see or hear the voice of that person.
It is not being in the same room that may have a lot to do with how much we had bond with that individual (Mother,Father) the close bonding may be strange at first, but it was the only way a baby knew he/she could keep mother or father at arms length, by getting the attention they deserved.
Children cry for many reasons, when the attachment between parents and child is great it makes it very difficult to leave the child with anyone. It is worst when that baby grows to be a toddler, and have to attend preschool, and mother may have to leave him/ her with someone the child is not familiar with.
The child mourns for his/her mother because the separation is great, that they may cry for a long period of time before settling down, and adapting to the familiar surroundings.Everyone mourns, which is necessary, not only for our health but society expects that of us, when loss has occurred. This is true especially those that we loved, and had a strong relationship with.
The facts are most of us that have a healthy attachment usually had a good relationship with their mother, while on the other hand, those with an unhealthy attachment may have had a bad relationship with their mother, that may not be true in all cases.
ATTACHMENT THEORY (Bowlby 1979)
The term attachment is the strong emotional bond that develops between infants and caregiver, providing the infant(s) with emotional security. It can be said that it is an active, affectionate, reciprocal relationship specifically between two individuals, as distinguished from all other persons. What this says is the interaction between the two parties continues to be reinforced and strenghten while their bond.
In (1969) Bowlby applied the idea to the infant caregiver bond, which was inspired by Lorenz (1952) studies of imprinting in baby geese. He believed that the human baby, like the young of most animal species, are equipped with a set of built-in behaviors that help keep the parent nearby, increasing the chance that the infant will be protected from danger, and contact with the parent also ensures that the baby will be fed, but Bowlby was careful to the point out that feeding is not the basis for attachment.
Virtually any activity on a baby's part that leads to a response from the adult is an attachment behavior: sucking, crying,smiling, clinging, choking, hiccuping, moving the body, changing the rhythm of breathing, sneezing, burping, and ,looking into the mother's eyes. (Richards,1071: Robson, 1967: Bowlby, 1958)
According to Bowlby, (1969) the infant's relationship to the parent begins as a set of innate signals that call the adult to the baby's side. As time passes, a true affectionate bond develops, which is supported by new cognitive and emotional capacities as well as a history of consistent, sensitive, responsive care by the parent.
Out of this experience, children form an enduring affectionate bond with their caregiver enabling them to use this attachment figure as a secure base across time and distance.
The inner representation of this parent child bond becomes an important part of their personality. It serves as an internal working model, or set of expectations about the availability of attachment figures, the likelihood of receiving support from them during times of stress, and the interaction with other figures. This image becomes the basis for all future close relationships during infancy, childhood, adolescence, and adult life.
Bowlby's (1969) attachment theory appears to be quite sound. Although it looks right our earliest relationship becomes an important part of our lives, and that the internal working models guides us throughout any future relationships. However even though Bowlby's (1979) theory makes good sense, we have to evaluate the evidence that was used to support it.
Using the attachment theory to explain the question is Mourning necessary? And Why?: Let's look at the definition of mourning ----- It is the process of adapting to the losses in our lives. I will go one step further and say ---- It is the losses of everything we may have acquire throughout our life, which have been loss, and which have been significant to us over time.
Since separation is a high cost to pay for any child the mere idea of a mother leaving a child for any length of time is a loss given that built in instinct. The child thinks, that his /her mother is gone and may not return, and begins to cry until mother has returned.
If we talk about the loss of people we have loved, not those from whom we are emotional disengaged. I am talking about losses that gives us good cause to grieve, the weight of our grief could crush or drive those around us away, making all our earlier losses to resurface. How do we know that we are fending off mourning, and not just what is untouched by the loss? According to Bowlby, (1969) there are many clues; we may be tense and short-tempered, or had and formal, or cheerful, or withdrawn, or drawn excessively to abuse, alcohol or drugs.
We may have physical symptoms, trading in psychic for bodily pain, we may have insomnia and bad dreams, and may not be able to tolerate any discussion of loss. Though out life each one of us in some way form or fashion have to mourn. It may be for a pet, husband, wife, job or siblings, no matter what or how the loss came we have to mourn.
People form attachments through relationships,forming a strong bond, at times, when that relationship ends we find ourselves mourning, because of what was meant to each other. According to Bowlby (1969) he said that, the bereaved doesn't need consolation, condolences, encouragement, solace or support; he /she needs information.
In his book "Loss" Bowlby (1982) does not describe what therapy would be like, he explained that attachment behavior, separation behavior etc, can be useful, especially if adults talked about their own situation, and own mode of dealing with the inadequate help after the loss of someone they were closed to.
It is therapeutic, in a small way, knowing that "chronic mourning" or "disorganization" is part of nature and is mostly related to the behavior of primates in the wild, which relieves the bubble of isolation that the chronic griever may be stuck in.
The crucial point Bowlby make entails the notion that the bereaved doesn't know his life has radically changed after his/her attachment figure is loss. He/she will attempt again and again to deal with everyday situation as if his/her world worked the same as usual, when in actual fact everything has changed, new and unknown.
That is why the mourning process develops healthfully when the bereaved painfully learns that his .her life is hinged round his/her attachment figure, and that what made sense with him/ her before doesn't make sense any more.
Three phases of Separation
Protest : Related to separation
Despair: Related to Grief and mourning
Detachment or Denial : related to defense / isolation
Task of Mourning
Denial / isolation / shock; Anger; Depression; Bargaining ; Acceptance
Mourning is necessary if we are too remain healthy, if and when we have any loss, and we do not mourn or grieve it can have mental, and physical implication in our lives, which can be detrimental. With these ailments bad thoughts can manifest itself through dreams, which may or may not lead us to hurt our self.
Wednesday, October 5, 2011
Jewish Culture : Views on Death, Funeral Rites, and Burial
Contents
1. The Purpose of this paper
Why it is written
What is its purpose?
2. Jewish Law ( Halakha)
The facts about Burial
Why is this done?
3. Visiting the Sick (Bikur Cholim)
Who can visit?
The purpose of visiting the sick
Is Confession mandatory?
4. Care for the Dying
What care is given?
Where is care given
Who cares for the dying?
5. After Death
Who takes care of the body?
What happens to the body?
How is it transported?
6. Preparing the body for Burial
Who prepares the body?
How is the body prepared for burial?
How is the body handled?
How is the body washed?
What is the coffin made of?
7. Funeral Service
Where is the service held?
Who conducts the service?
Who says the Kaddish?
Is there a eulogy?
What is the eulogy purpose?
Why is the garment rendered?
Why are flowers and music prohibited?
8. At the Cemetery
What takes place?
Who participate burying the Coffin?
What happens after the coffin is covered?
9. At the Grave site
What happens before everyone leaves the Cemetery?
Is it customary to wash hands after partaking in the Burial?
10. Sitting Shivah (Seven days of Mourning)
What is the purpose of Shivah?
When does Shivah begin?
What happens in the home that is sitting Shivah?
11. The first thirty days (Shoshim)
Who is expected to participate?
What happens during this period?
What is observed during the thirty days period?
The purpose of this Article
The purpose of my article about the Jewish Culture views on Death, Funeral Rites, Rituals and Burial is to familiarized myself,and all who have the chance to read the article, to try and have an understanding, what the Jews have taught been taught throughout their lives, and to gain some insight into what their faith, and belief systems are. in doing so it will also give other readers and myself a clear indication, about their cultural heritage. By writing this paper my hope is that I will have a better understanding of their funeral rites, rituals, and the way that the Jewish Community have close communal ties with their congregation.
I hope by writing this article I have gained the knowledge, and respect of the Jewish Community, special thanks to the Rabbis that gave me some of their insights on their customs. My purpose therefore is to overcome what my thinking was about the Jewish faith, and accept their ways, and customs, and in doing so I can say that I have opened my mind to some of the ways about their rituals, and see how the Jewish congregation have strong ties with each other.
Jewish Law (Halakha)
It is often said that the Jewish people buried their dead within twenty-four hours after a death have occur. This is a law which was handed down to them since Biblical times, with Moses, and is still done at the present. The Jewish law states, that the body must return to the ground from whence it came, without disturbing any organs, within the body with the exception of an autopsy, if ordered by a medical Doctor, or the family,and the occasional organ donation.
The Jewish law prohibits cremation and also embalming, within the perimeter of this law, exception are made for autopsy and organ donation, it is in keeping with the requirements of fulfilling the law that the body be buried intact the way he/she was born. The law also states, that the body be buried in a traditional grave in the ground so that the body return to the ground. The burial of a body in vaults, above ground mausoleum, and crypt are forbidden.
Why is this Done?
The Jewish law mandates that funerals takes place within this twenty-four hours period after death, it is concerned with the K'vod Ha-met, leaving the body unburied for any length of time is considered disrespectful. What is also mandated by Jewish law is that the body be not cremated, but returned to the earth, its intention is also to show respect for the dead.
Visiting the Sick ( Bikur Cholim)
The only people to visit the sick is the immediate family, however the Rabbi laid down strict rules governing when visits should take place. The Jews shows remarkable respect to the sick along with attentiveness. The failure to visit the sick is seen as the actually shedding of blood. One of the primary functions of visiting the sick is to make them as comfortable as possible, visiting the sick is prohibited during the early morning hours or late afternoon hours, since the attendants are busy with the patient, and visits should not be long.
The Jews look at visiting the sick as a Mitzvah, and carries great weight in Jewish tradition, because it is a Mitzvah the observation ensures them a place in the world to come. According to the Talmud visits are encourage especially the seriously ill, it states that " he who visits the sick eliminates one-sixtieth of the ill person pain." It is suggested that during the first three days of a serious illness are the most critical, and that immediate family members should pay a visit at that time.
Confession (Viddui)
The law does not require that confession (Viddui) be recited, but that it is encouraged, before the person dies, the Sherma must be recited. It is important for the sick if he or she is dying to recite the confession (Viddui) if they have the mental capacity to do so.
Care for the Dying
Care for the dying takes place at the Jewish Hospice, medical services are not duplicated as non-sectarian hospices, instead it provides spiritual, and communal support by sending Rabbis and trained lay people to visit individuals, and family that need the service. Care is given either at home in a hospital or hospice, and particular attention be paid to the sick. The Jewish law have in place a guideline that must be followed as the life of the sick begins to depart, Talmud teaching states that the Shechinah ( Devine Presence) stands at the head of the Goses ( Dead Person)
The individual person must be treated with respect, as thou they were still alive, and not as an object or to be avoided, and at no time that the dying person is to be left alone, a guard, (Shomer) must remain with the body from the moment of death until the funeral and burial. All visitors must be respectful, and that any idle conversation, and eating must not be done. You are permitted to leave the room only when they have to or it's necessary to do so.
After Death
When death is confirmed the eyes are closed, along with the mouth of the deceased. The arms and legs are extended, and the lower jaw is bound. The body is then placed on the floor with the feet facing the door. The body is then covered with a sheet, and a lighted candle is placed near the head, from the moment of death, each member of the immediate family is called an Onen (One who is distressed) this phrase of mourning, known as the Aninut period, ends when the body is buried, at which time all of the regular laws of mourning in Avelut are in effect.
The family calls the Rabbi or the synagogue functionaries, the synagogue takes over, and see too many of the details. The funeral parlor is contacted so that arraignment of the body can be transferred to the premises, and to set the time of the funeral, burial takes place the same day or the next.
Preparing the body for Burial (Taharah)
Volunteers known as the Chevra Kaddisha or ( The Holy Society) care for the dead which is an organization found in many community synagogues throughout the world. This is one of the most important elements of the proper Jewish burial known as the Tahara.
A proper Tahara includes cleaning, ritually washing, and dressing the deceased body. The Sacred Burial Society consists of three or four persons that perform the pre-burial purification of the body. (Taharah) The body is washed thoroughly with warm water from head to foot, including all orifices, turning it from side to side while washing, which is a sign of respect, never having the body face down. The finger nails are cleaned, hair brushed then the body is dressed in Tachrichim ( a single white linen or cotton shroud) simple not to distinguish between rich or poor, prayers are recited, during the preparation of the body for burial, men attend to me , and women attend to women.
According to Jewish traditions it requires that all deceased be buried in a plain modest casket (Aron) the casket must be made of biodegradable materials that will disintegrate in the ground, which would allow the body to return to the earth as quickly as possible. It is a Torah commandment that the body return to the earth, upon passing, as it is written "unto dust shall you return" (Genesis 3:19).
Metal casket is never used, and nails are not used in wooden caskets instead wooden pegs are used to seal the casket. The interior of the casket is plain with no ornaments, before the deceased is finally sealed in the casket the Chevra Kaddisha places earth from the land of Israel in the casket, if he or she is buried outside of the country, holes are sometimes found at the bottom of the casket, bringing the body in direct contact with the soil, which hasten the decomposition process.
Funeral Service
After the body have been purified by the Chevra Kaddisha, the funeral plans can proceed. The family and friends along with the Jewish community gather for the service either at the funeral home, synagogue or the cemetery, depending on the family wishes, and present at the service, and burial at least a Minyan (Quorum of ten Jews required for public prayer) usually adult males.
The casket is usually there before the deceased family arrive at the service wherever it is held, if in a synagogue prior to the funeral the family meets with the Rabbi or Cantor in his study, or special room that is arrange for this occasion. It is a private time for the mourners to gather any thoughts, and for the Rabbi to review the order of the service. Meeting with the Rabbi before the funeral is common, a time and place for K'riah. ( The rendering of garments)
At this point the casket is staked, and is not opened for viewing; there are no flowers or music present at the funeral, which in the mind of the Jews are association with festivals and joyous occasions, while this is an occasion of solemnity, the Rabbi or cantor begins by reciting Psalms.
There is a eulogy (Hesped) but it is not said by the family that is mourning, instead it is said by the Rabbi or Cantor who meets with the family to get a sense of who the deceased was. The Jewish eulogies are honest, and Jewish law prohibits any exaggeration and invention, moving tributes comes from people who knew the deceased well, there are real stories that may evoke genuine emotions, phrases and jokes used by the departed that was their favourite.
The purpose of the eulogy is to "lament the dead in words that break the heart" not seen at the Jewish funeral service are flowers, this is seen as a pagan custom, because this is a joyous celebration amounts friends, and associates of the deceased, they are encourage to contribute to a Tzedakah fund, important to the deceased or family if they wish to express condolence wishes.
The rendering of garments is a physical enactment of feeling that the dead has shattered the world apart, the ripping of garment or fabric is the sound of a breaking heart. The sound of music is also seen as a pagan custom, the same as flowers; a somewhat distraction from grief, and a non-Jewish tradition; if required the Rabbi or Cantor may lead the congregation in singing a sombre ( Niggum) wordless melody or Psalm 23.
At the Cemetery
After the service the coffin or casket is carried out to the hearst by the pallbearers, it is then driven to the cemetery followed by the family, congregation and guests. The coffin is then carried to the grave site by the pallbearers following the same order as when it left the synagogue, followed by the Rabbi, and the immediate family, as a symbolic gesture saying the last farewell the procession may move slowly, making ritual stops on the way to the grave site.
The coffin is placed on the brier above the ground, in some cases the graveside liturgy will include a few Psalms, Biblical readings, and short prayers, just as the eulogy is seen as the liturgical heart of the funeral service, Kaddish is the emotional peak of the graveside, saying this prayer (Aninut) ends and the mourning period begins. After the coffin is placed in the ground the family, and mourners throw a shovel of dirt on the coffin. The most striking part of the Jewish funeral is filling the grave, it is painful yet it is seen as the most healing. First to leave the grave site are the deceased children,spouse, parent and siblings passing the rest of the community which forms into two rows; a gauntlet of loving compassionate faces.
At the Gravesite
After the body has been interred it is customary that the hands be washed as a symbolic act of purification, after coming in contact with the dead. In Judaism, immersion in water is seen as a change of personal status. After the funeral the mourners stop being in Onem and become an Avel. The washing of hands symbolizes the separation between the work of burying the dead and the work of grieving.
Sitting Shivah ( Seven days of Mourning)
The purpose of Shiva is to sit with their grief, this is done while sitting on a low stool, while remembering, weeping, dreaming, telling stories and sharing memories. Although every Shivah is different there are times bitterness of the loss is tempted by the smoothness of memory; when death follows a long and active life, and sometimes Shiva feels like a razor edge, whatever the details, the weight of grief can be overwhelming. Shivah therefore is a practical way of mourning according to Jewish law, it gives the mourning individuals all the time in the world within the seven days period to deal with their loss before returning to the outside world.
Shivah starts when the mourners return home from the funeral. The ritual of mourners sitting are:
Shoes; are removed; leather shoes not worn - wearing cloth slippers, sock or even barefoot are signs of being humbled by the loss.
Water; A basin of warm water, and a towel are left outside the door for people to wash their hands.
Light; It is customary to light a large Shivah candle, which is also called a Ner daluk (burning light) which burns for seven days.
Food; Serving a meal to mourners upon returning from the cemetery is a gracious act of condolence, although the bereaved may not be interested in eating.
Jewish law requires that the immediate family,and the seven closes relatives are obligated to begin this period. The immediate family spends the week mourning which includes adults, children, parents, siblings and spouse only. The mourners are forbidden to leave the house or do any cooking or cleaning, most of the food preparing is done by friends or ordered in from a Jewish caterer, Kaddish is said three times a day in the presence of a Minyan.
Shivah supplies communal support, morning, and evening, day in day out, but the presence of family members, friends, and neighbours make the burden more bearable. Therefore Shivah works best when mourners understand the how and why of the ritual, and when the bereaved are members of a community that knows how to care for them. Shiva can be shorten if the Shivah falls within the Jewish holidays.
The First Thirty Days (Shloshim)
Jewish law obligates official mourner's children. spouses. siblings. and parents to continue with some of the observances of Shivah for thirty days after a funeral. During this peeriod mourners return to work and to see about family responsibilities, traditionally maintaining a fence which permits grieving to continue. This period of grief, concerns mostly with the public obligation, protecting the mourners from rushing or being rushed through their sorrow. Distractions, and everyday pleasures are limited, the listening of music or attending concerts, plays, movies or sport events are some of the things that is traditionally not done by the bereaved.
Shloshim is not a period of self-deprivation, but mourners do resume many private pleasures, like reading and studying, visiting friends, exercising and playing with children. What is required is that the bereaved get out of the house to attend services, and to say the Kaddish.
This period of the first thirty days of Shloshim may be ended by the observance of Rosh Hashanah, Yorm Kippur, Sukkot, Passover, and Skavout this mourning observance during the holidays are best discussed with a Rabbi. During this period mourners wear a ribbon or (K'riah) or a torn garment for a full month, although tradition allows it to be removed at the end of Shivah.
What the ribbon or (K'riah) indicates is a silent announcement of the mourners emotional state during the first month, signalling to colleagues, friends, and acquaintances that the one who is wearing the ribbon is still fragile, and is not ready to face the work day world. The ribbon also sends a signal to other people who did not know of the loss to offer condolences, and those who have experience bereavement themselves, to empathize, this period in time, widows and widowers night can feel empty, new symptoms related to grief may surface, leading to sleep disturbances, which are very common.
The Final Confession (Viddui)
I acknowledge before the source of all
That life and death are not in my hands
Just as I did not choose to be born,
So I do not choose to die.
May it come to pass that I may be healed
But if death is my fate,
Then I accept it with dignity
And the loving calm
Of one who knows the way of all things.
May my death be honourable,
And may my life ba a healing memory
For those who know me.
May loved ones think well of me
And may my memory bring them joy
From all those I may have hurt,
I ask forgiveness.
Upon all who have hurt me,
I bestow forgiveness,
As a wave returns to the ocean
So I return to the source from which I came.
Shema Yisrael Adonai Elohenu Adonai Echad
Hear, O Israel that which we call God is oneness itself.
Blessed is the way of God
The way of life and death,
Of coming and going,
Of meeting and loving,
Now and forever.
As I Blessed with the one,
So I am Blessed with the other.
Shalom Shalom Shalom
The Mourners Kaddish
Exalted and hallowed be God's greatness
In the world of your creation
May your will be fulfilled
And your sovereignty revealed
And the life of the whole house of Israel speedily and soon
And say Amen.
May you be Blessed forever,
Even to all eternity
May you, most Holy One, be Blessed,
Praised and honoured, extolled and glorified,
Adored and exalted above all else.
Blessed are you
Beyond all Blessings and hymns, praise and consolations
In the days of our lifetime,
And say Amen.
May peace abundant descend from Heaven
With life for us and for all Israel,
And say Amen
May God, who makes peace on high,
Bring peace to all and to all Israel,
And say Amen.
Mourner's Kaddish for every Day
Build me up of memory
Loving and angry, tender and honest
Let my loss build me a heart of wisdom,
Compassion for the world's many losses
Each hour is mortal
And each hour is eternal
And each hour is our testament
May i create worthy memories
All the days of my life
1. The Purpose of this paper
Why it is written
What is its purpose?
2. Jewish Law ( Halakha)
The facts about Burial
Why is this done?
3. Visiting the Sick (Bikur Cholim)
Who can visit?
The purpose of visiting the sick
Is Confession mandatory?
4. Care for the Dying
What care is given?
Where is care given
Who cares for the dying?
5. After Death
Who takes care of the body?
What happens to the body?
How is it transported?
6. Preparing the body for Burial
Who prepares the body?
How is the body prepared for burial?
How is the body handled?
How is the body washed?
What is the coffin made of?
7. Funeral Service
Where is the service held?
Who conducts the service?
Who says the Kaddish?
Is there a eulogy?
What is the eulogy purpose?
Why is the garment rendered?
Why are flowers and music prohibited?
8. At the Cemetery
What takes place?
Who participate burying the Coffin?
What happens after the coffin is covered?
9. At the Grave site
What happens before everyone leaves the Cemetery?
Is it customary to wash hands after partaking in the Burial?
10. Sitting Shivah (Seven days of Mourning)
What is the purpose of Shivah?
When does Shivah begin?
What happens in the home that is sitting Shivah?
11. The first thirty days (Shoshim)
Who is expected to participate?
What happens during this period?
What is observed during the thirty days period?
The purpose of this Article
The purpose of my article about the Jewish Culture views on Death, Funeral Rites, Rituals and Burial is to familiarized myself,and all who have the chance to read the article, to try and have an understanding, what the Jews have taught been taught throughout their lives, and to gain some insight into what their faith, and belief systems are. in doing so it will also give other readers and myself a clear indication, about their cultural heritage. By writing this paper my hope is that I will have a better understanding of their funeral rites, rituals, and the way that the Jewish Community have close communal ties with their congregation.
I hope by writing this article I have gained the knowledge, and respect of the Jewish Community, special thanks to the Rabbis that gave me some of their insights on their customs. My purpose therefore is to overcome what my thinking was about the Jewish faith, and accept their ways, and customs, and in doing so I can say that I have opened my mind to some of the ways about their rituals, and see how the Jewish congregation have strong ties with each other.
Jewish Law (Halakha)
It is often said that the Jewish people buried their dead within twenty-four hours after a death have occur. This is a law which was handed down to them since Biblical times, with Moses, and is still done at the present. The Jewish law states, that the body must return to the ground from whence it came, without disturbing any organs, within the body with the exception of an autopsy, if ordered by a medical Doctor, or the family,and the occasional organ donation.
The Jewish law prohibits cremation and also embalming, within the perimeter of this law, exception are made for autopsy and organ donation, it is in keeping with the requirements of fulfilling the law that the body be buried intact the way he/she was born. The law also states, that the body be buried in a traditional grave in the ground so that the body return to the ground. The burial of a body in vaults, above ground mausoleum, and crypt are forbidden.
Why is this Done?
The Jewish law mandates that funerals takes place within this twenty-four hours period after death, it is concerned with the K'vod Ha-met, leaving the body unburied for any length of time is considered disrespectful. What is also mandated by Jewish law is that the body be not cremated, but returned to the earth, its intention is also to show respect for the dead.
Visiting the Sick ( Bikur Cholim)
The only people to visit the sick is the immediate family, however the Rabbi laid down strict rules governing when visits should take place. The Jews shows remarkable respect to the sick along with attentiveness. The failure to visit the sick is seen as the actually shedding of blood. One of the primary functions of visiting the sick is to make them as comfortable as possible, visiting the sick is prohibited during the early morning hours or late afternoon hours, since the attendants are busy with the patient, and visits should not be long.
The Jews look at visiting the sick as a Mitzvah, and carries great weight in Jewish tradition, because it is a Mitzvah the observation ensures them a place in the world to come. According to the Talmud visits are encourage especially the seriously ill, it states that " he who visits the sick eliminates one-sixtieth of the ill person pain." It is suggested that during the first three days of a serious illness are the most critical, and that immediate family members should pay a visit at that time.
Confession (Viddui)
The law does not require that confession (Viddui) be recited, but that it is encouraged, before the person dies, the Sherma must be recited. It is important for the sick if he or she is dying to recite the confession (Viddui) if they have the mental capacity to do so.
Care for the Dying
Care for the dying takes place at the Jewish Hospice, medical services are not duplicated as non-sectarian hospices, instead it provides spiritual, and communal support by sending Rabbis and trained lay people to visit individuals, and family that need the service. Care is given either at home in a hospital or hospice, and particular attention be paid to the sick. The Jewish law have in place a guideline that must be followed as the life of the sick begins to depart, Talmud teaching states that the Shechinah ( Devine Presence) stands at the head of the Goses ( Dead Person)
The individual person must be treated with respect, as thou they were still alive, and not as an object or to be avoided, and at no time that the dying person is to be left alone, a guard, (Shomer) must remain with the body from the moment of death until the funeral and burial. All visitors must be respectful, and that any idle conversation, and eating must not be done. You are permitted to leave the room only when they have to or it's necessary to do so.
After Death
When death is confirmed the eyes are closed, along with the mouth of the deceased. The arms and legs are extended, and the lower jaw is bound. The body is then placed on the floor with the feet facing the door. The body is then covered with a sheet, and a lighted candle is placed near the head, from the moment of death, each member of the immediate family is called an Onen (One who is distressed) this phrase of mourning, known as the Aninut period, ends when the body is buried, at which time all of the regular laws of mourning in Avelut are in effect.
The family calls the Rabbi or the synagogue functionaries, the synagogue takes over, and see too many of the details. The funeral parlor is contacted so that arraignment of the body can be transferred to the premises, and to set the time of the funeral, burial takes place the same day or the next.
Preparing the body for Burial (Taharah)
Volunteers known as the Chevra Kaddisha or ( The Holy Society) care for the dead which is an organization found in many community synagogues throughout the world. This is one of the most important elements of the proper Jewish burial known as the Tahara.
A proper Tahara includes cleaning, ritually washing, and dressing the deceased body. The Sacred Burial Society consists of three or four persons that perform the pre-burial purification of the body. (Taharah) The body is washed thoroughly with warm water from head to foot, including all orifices, turning it from side to side while washing, which is a sign of respect, never having the body face down. The finger nails are cleaned, hair brushed then the body is dressed in Tachrichim ( a single white linen or cotton shroud) simple not to distinguish between rich or poor, prayers are recited, during the preparation of the body for burial, men attend to me , and women attend to women.
According to Jewish traditions it requires that all deceased be buried in a plain modest casket (Aron) the casket must be made of biodegradable materials that will disintegrate in the ground, which would allow the body to return to the earth as quickly as possible. It is a Torah commandment that the body return to the earth, upon passing, as it is written "unto dust shall you return" (Genesis 3:19).
Metal casket is never used, and nails are not used in wooden caskets instead wooden pegs are used to seal the casket. The interior of the casket is plain with no ornaments, before the deceased is finally sealed in the casket the Chevra Kaddisha places earth from the land of Israel in the casket, if he or she is buried outside of the country, holes are sometimes found at the bottom of the casket, bringing the body in direct contact with the soil, which hasten the decomposition process.
Funeral Service
After the body have been purified by the Chevra Kaddisha, the funeral plans can proceed. The family and friends along with the Jewish community gather for the service either at the funeral home, synagogue or the cemetery, depending on the family wishes, and present at the service, and burial at least a Minyan (Quorum of ten Jews required for public prayer) usually adult males.
The casket is usually there before the deceased family arrive at the service wherever it is held, if in a synagogue prior to the funeral the family meets with the Rabbi or Cantor in his study, or special room that is arrange for this occasion. It is a private time for the mourners to gather any thoughts, and for the Rabbi to review the order of the service. Meeting with the Rabbi before the funeral is common, a time and place for K'riah. ( The rendering of garments)
At this point the casket is staked, and is not opened for viewing; there are no flowers or music present at the funeral, which in the mind of the Jews are association with festivals and joyous occasions, while this is an occasion of solemnity, the Rabbi or cantor begins by reciting Psalms.
There is a eulogy (Hesped) but it is not said by the family that is mourning, instead it is said by the Rabbi or Cantor who meets with the family to get a sense of who the deceased was. The Jewish eulogies are honest, and Jewish law prohibits any exaggeration and invention, moving tributes comes from people who knew the deceased well, there are real stories that may evoke genuine emotions, phrases and jokes used by the departed that was their favourite.
The purpose of the eulogy is to "lament the dead in words that break the heart" not seen at the Jewish funeral service are flowers, this is seen as a pagan custom, because this is a joyous celebration amounts friends, and associates of the deceased, they are encourage to contribute to a Tzedakah fund, important to the deceased or family if they wish to express condolence wishes.
The rendering of garments is a physical enactment of feeling that the dead has shattered the world apart, the ripping of garment or fabric is the sound of a breaking heart. The sound of music is also seen as a pagan custom, the same as flowers; a somewhat distraction from grief, and a non-Jewish tradition; if required the Rabbi or Cantor may lead the congregation in singing a sombre ( Niggum) wordless melody or Psalm 23.
At the Cemetery
After the service the coffin or casket is carried out to the hearst by the pallbearers, it is then driven to the cemetery followed by the family, congregation and guests. The coffin is then carried to the grave site by the pallbearers following the same order as when it left the synagogue, followed by the Rabbi, and the immediate family, as a symbolic gesture saying the last farewell the procession may move slowly, making ritual stops on the way to the grave site.
The coffin is placed on the brier above the ground, in some cases the graveside liturgy will include a few Psalms, Biblical readings, and short prayers, just as the eulogy is seen as the liturgical heart of the funeral service, Kaddish is the emotional peak of the graveside, saying this prayer (Aninut) ends and the mourning period begins. After the coffin is placed in the ground the family, and mourners throw a shovel of dirt on the coffin. The most striking part of the Jewish funeral is filling the grave, it is painful yet it is seen as the most healing. First to leave the grave site are the deceased children,spouse, parent and siblings passing the rest of the community which forms into two rows; a gauntlet of loving compassionate faces.
At the Gravesite
After the body has been interred it is customary that the hands be washed as a symbolic act of purification, after coming in contact with the dead. In Judaism, immersion in water is seen as a change of personal status. After the funeral the mourners stop being in Onem and become an Avel. The washing of hands symbolizes the separation between the work of burying the dead and the work of grieving.
Sitting Shivah ( Seven days of Mourning)
The purpose of Shiva is to sit with their grief, this is done while sitting on a low stool, while remembering, weeping, dreaming, telling stories and sharing memories. Although every Shivah is different there are times bitterness of the loss is tempted by the smoothness of memory; when death follows a long and active life, and sometimes Shiva feels like a razor edge, whatever the details, the weight of grief can be overwhelming. Shivah therefore is a practical way of mourning according to Jewish law, it gives the mourning individuals all the time in the world within the seven days period to deal with their loss before returning to the outside world.
Shivah starts when the mourners return home from the funeral. The ritual of mourners sitting are:
Shoes; are removed; leather shoes not worn - wearing cloth slippers, sock or even barefoot are signs of being humbled by the loss.
Water; A basin of warm water, and a towel are left outside the door for people to wash their hands.
Light; It is customary to light a large Shivah candle, which is also called a Ner daluk (burning light) which burns for seven days.
Food; Serving a meal to mourners upon returning from the cemetery is a gracious act of condolence, although the bereaved may not be interested in eating.
Jewish law requires that the immediate family,and the seven closes relatives are obligated to begin this period. The immediate family spends the week mourning which includes adults, children, parents, siblings and spouse only. The mourners are forbidden to leave the house or do any cooking or cleaning, most of the food preparing is done by friends or ordered in from a Jewish caterer, Kaddish is said three times a day in the presence of a Minyan.
Shivah supplies communal support, morning, and evening, day in day out, but the presence of family members, friends, and neighbours make the burden more bearable. Therefore Shivah works best when mourners understand the how and why of the ritual, and when the bereaved are members of a community that knows how to care for them. Shiva can be shorten if the Shivah falls within the Jewish holidays.
The First Thirty Days (Shloshim)
Jewish law obligates official mourner's children. spouses. siblings. and parents to continue with some of the observances of Shivah for thirty days after a funeral. During this peeriod mourners return to work and to see about family responsibilities, traditionally maintaining a fence which permits grieving to continue. This period of grief, concerns mostly with the public obligation, protecting the mourners from rushing or being rushed through their sorrow. Distractions, and everyday pleasures are limited, the listening of music or attending concerts, plays, movies or sport events are some of the things that is traditionally not done by the bereaved.
Shloshim is not a period of self-deprivation, but mourners do resume many private pleasures, like reading and studying, visiting friends, exercising and playing with children. What is required is that the bereaved get out of the house to attend services, and to say the Kaddish.
This period of the first thirty days of Shloshim may be ended by the observance of Rosh Hashanah, Yorm Kippur, Sukkot, Passover, and Skavout this mourning observance during the holidays are best discussed with a Rabbi. During this period mourners wear a ribbon or (K'riah) or a torn garment for a full month, although tradition allows it to be removed at the end of Shivah.
What the ribbon or (K'riah) indicates is a silent announcement of the mourners emotional state during the first month, signalling to colleagues, friends, and acquaintances that the one who is wearing the ribbon is still fragile, and is not ready to face the work day world. The ribbon also sends a signal to other people who did not know of the loss to offer condolences, and those who have experience bereavement themselves, to empathize, this period in time, widows and widowers night can feel empty, new symptoms related to grief may surface, leading to sleep disturbances, which are very common.
The Final Confession (Viddui)
I acknowledge before the source of all
That life and death are not in my hands
Just as I did not choose to be born,
So I do not choose to die.
May it come to pass that I may be healed
But if death is my fate,
Then I accept it with dignity
And the loving calm
Of one who knows the way of all things.
May my death be honourable,
And may my life ba a healing memory
For those who know me.
May loved ones think well of me
And may my memory bring them joy
From all those I may have hurt,
I ask forgiveness.
Upon all who have hurt me,
I bestow forgiveness,
As a wave returns to the ocean
So I return to the source from which I came.
Shema Yisrael Adonai Elohenu Adonai Echad
Hear, O Israel that which we call God is oneness itself.
Blessed is the way of God
The way of life and death,
Of coming and going,
Of meeting and loving,
Now and forever.
As I Blessed with the one,
So I am Blessed with the other.
Shalom Shalom Shalom
The Mourners Kaddish
Exalted and hallowed be God's greatness
In the world of your creation
May your will be fulfilled
And your sovereignty revealed
And the life of the whole house of Israel speedily and soon
And say Amen.
May you be Blessed forever,
Even to all eternity
May you, most Holy One, be Blessed,
Praised and honoured, extolled and glorified,
Adored and exalted above all else.
Blessed are you
Beyond all Blessings and hymns, praise and consolations
In the days of our lifetime,
And say Amen.
May peace abundant descend from Heaven
With life for us and for all Israel,
And say Amen
May God, who makes peace on high,
Bring peace to all and to all Israel,
And say Amen.
Mourner's Kaddish for every Day
Build me up of memory
Loving and angry, tender and honest
Let my loss build me a heart of wisdom,
Compassion for the world's many losses
Each hour is mortal
And each hour is eternal
And each hour is our testament
May i create worthy memories
All the days of my life
Tuesday, June 28, 2011
The Importance of Preparing For End of Life
I first met Mary twelve (12 ) years ago, through one of her daughters, she was eighty (80) years of age with three daughters and two sons. Mary was short, and a little plump, full of life, and active in the community where she lived. The years that I visited a relationship developed, but really, got to know her with each visit. A couple years later, her husband made the decision to move, from an apartment, to a Nursing Home, where their every needs could be met, but still have the freedom to come and go as they pleased, soon after the move her husband died, and one of her daughters also. Although it was painful for her she had a very good support system in place. Within the time of her husband's death and moving they both made out a Living Will, and all the necessary legal paper work.
The Diagnosis:
Mary was diagnose a year later after her husband's death, with bone Cancer, and yes it was a blow to her, and could not imagine how she got Cancer, especially bone Cancer, but talking to her, she said that it ran on her side of the family, because two of her sisters, died from cancer.
The Treatment:
Mary had to undergo radiation treatment twice a week for twelve weeks, and it showed every time she finished a treatment, which left her weak at times, after the treatment she regular checkups to make sure the cancer was not spreading too fast, after two years, the Doctor's were satisfied that the cancer, had reduced in sized.
After the radiation treatments, Mary had regular check ups, at the Cancer Hospital, to see if the cancer was spreading, but found out that it was not, and was given the okay to continue doing what ever she wanted to do, with help from medication it helped with keeping the cancer at bay. Mary knew that the cancer could return at anytime, but continues to live her life the way she had always done. Two and a half years ago the cancer returned, and progressed to the point, that Mary did not want to undergo any radiation treatment knowing how it had affected her energy level.
Side Effects:
Mary showed signs of that of a sick person, lacking energy,and not wanting to do anything or go anywhere. She was contented to satay in her room, watch TV, read and knit, she said that she feels okay, but the signs on her face said otherwise, all that was due to the heavy medications she has to take to help her through the day.
My Observation:
I visited Mary about twice a week, and on one of my visits with her daughter, noticed she was looking rather pale and was not up to par, and mentioned it to her daughter whom I went with that day, she immediately made an appointment for her to see the doctor. Mary was told that the cancer had returned and progressed faster than ever, and gave her about four months to live.
Advance Directives:
The progression of the cancer gave Mary a scare, and had asked her eldest daughter to get her Living Will updated, and make any changes that were needed, and also to be the Power of Attorney. The other form that was also written out was the Values History Form, which addresses all that was needed in case of any serious implications knowing that she had only a few months to live.
Technology Equipment:
The look on Mary's face said it all it showed signs of frailty, and her breathing was helped with the aid of pure oxygen, which helped in a way, but was uncomfortable having by the air hose in her nostrils. Mary also had the use of an air mattress, which helped her to feel comfortable while laying on her back to ease any pains.
Medical and Caregivers:
Although Mary was given medication for her pain, she also had a good team of Caregivers that saw to her every needs, twenty- four seven (24/7 ) she had the best care that could have been provided, and was well
looked after, she was waited on, and was granted anything that she wanted to eat or drink at anytime day or night.
Family Involvement:
During the last couple weeks before Mary's death, she had round the clock attention by her family, everyone doing their part to be with her. I had the chance to spend twelve hours with her, tending to her every needs,and doing what ever I could to make her as comfortable as possible. They were always family around her, and music playing softly in listening range. As the time drew near the Priest from her Church was called, to anoint her with Holy Oil, which is part of the last rites for many Christians that were dying. The family made the decision that the oxygen should be unplugged, and let her breathe on her own which was one of the stipulations written in her Values History.
Death Song:
As Mary lay on the bed of her last days, the death song were being played constantly, the gasping for air, wheezing of her lungs, the asking for something to drink, and that her lips be kept moist, what was most discomforting for her was the constant itching she had from laying on her back which had to be rubbed with cream to relieve some of the itching. It was so sad to see the person that was so active, and full of life lying on her bed awaiting death, the skeletal frame of Mary, with her eyes sunken into her sockets was seen as a fragile individual awaiting a death sentence. Mary died two days after, during the night in her sleep a good death knowing that her family was with her when she died.
Preparation:
Lets take a look at Mary's life and the planning she did on or before her death. We know that she and her husband, made a Living Will, and that Mary had amended parts of it to reflect what she wanted happen after her death. Although they both planned ahead preparing for each other, and did not leave any burden on their children, which was well though of.
The consensus is that the general public on the whole, thinks that an Advance Directive is not required at the very moment. The thought then, is nothing is going to happen to me, for the most part is the way people think, until something major happens, like an accident where it is very serious, and they are facing the End of Life.
If we think, about what we know about illness, death and what there is to do, why? are so many of us fail to plan for the End of Life, is it that we need to be more educated on the subject, or are we just acting ignorant to the fact that we just don't care about those things right now. By planning for what may happen in our lives, it makes sense, to have in place Legal Documents, that our children knows about, and what our wishes are in case there is an emergency, when we cannot communicate or make decisions for ourselves.
These legal documents include, a Living Will and Health Care Proxy also known as a ( Durable Power of Attorney.) Since wishes are communicated through the Advance Directive we should also have Values History Instructions which is optional. What is included in an Advance Directive?
Directions that lets the Medical Team knows the treatment that the patient want done, and do not want in case of extending or shortening life in any terminal conditions.
That there is a person designated to make decisions for the person, if they are hurt in an accident or incapable of doing so.
The kind of comfort care he/she decided, such as reducing pain,and suffering.
Preference based on his/her religion.
Mary made sure that all Legal Forms were signed, and all that was needed to take care of the burden that was going to be left for the children to sort out. They can now look forward of taking care of her wishes,and desires that were on the Advance Directive.
Mary's story was simple, with all the Legal and Financial Documents signed, and other important papers made available to her eldest daughter, she could rest, and be assured that her wishes for everyone and herself would be carried out. We know that death is certain, but we do not know the time, place or how it is going to happen, when the river of life runs smoothly, and suddenly there is a stone (illness) that disrupts everything it is definitely not the time to start thinking about an Advance Directive.
The Advance Directives answered all of what Mary wanted, and together with the Power of Attorney every thing possible was done to make her very comfortable. Mary I must say died well, and had a good death, with her family gathered in her room, and had a Priest anointed her with Holy Oil, which is the last rites , for a dying person of Christian faith.
What I should point out here was the Caregivers understanding of the family concerns, and they catered to Mary and the family every needs, everyone that worked with Mary, showed such patience when she did not want the oxygen hose in her nostrils, which was removed no questions asked, because the answer to that question was already filled out in her Values History Instructions.
Managing pain was foremost on the mind of children at this stage, and pain management was helped by medication. Mary's smile could be seen on her skeletal frame as her loved one told her how much she would be missed, and was loved. She left this world knowing she was loved, missed and her children, grand and great grand children would be taken care of, as stipulated in her will. I will say this, that it is very important to have all Advance Directives made out ahead of time, and signed just in case some misfortune happens.
The Diagnosis:
Mary was diagnose a year later after her husband's death, with bone Cancer, and yes it was a blow to her, and could not imagine how she got Cancer, especially bone Cancer, but talking to her, she said that it ran on her side of the family, because two of her sisters, died from cancer.
The Treatment:
Mary had to undergo radiation treatment twice a week for twelve weeks, and it showed every time she finished a treatment, which left her weak at times, after the treatment she regular checkups to make sure the cancer was not spreading too fast, after two years, the Doctor's were satisfied that the cancer, had reduced in sized.
After the radiation treatments, Mary had regular check ups, at the Cancer Hospital, to see if the cancer was spreading, but found out that it was not, and was given the okay to continue doing what ever she wanted to do, with help from medication it helped with keeping the cancer at bay. Mary knew that the cancer could return at anytime, but continues to live her life the way she had always done. Two and a half years ago the cancer returned, and progressed to the point, that Mary did not want to undergo any radiation treatment knowing how it had affected her energy level.
Side Effects:
Mary showed signs of that of a sick person, lacking energy,and not wanting to do anything or go anywhere. She was contented to satay in her room, watch TV, read and knit, she said that she feels okay, but the signs on her face said otherwise, all that was due to the heavy medications she has to take to help her through the day.
My Observation:
I visited Mary about twice a week, and on one of my visits with her daughter, noticed she was looking rather pale and was not up to par, and mentioned it to her daughter whom I went with that day, she immediately made an appointment for her to see the doctor. Mary was told that the cancer had returned and progressed faster than ever, and gave her about four months to live.
Advance Directives:
The progression of the cancer gave Mary a scare, and had asked her eldest daughter to get her Living Will updated, and make any changes that were needed, and also to be the Power of Attorney. The other form that was also written out was the Values History Form, which addresses all that was needed in case of any serious implications knowing that she had only a few months to live.
Technology Equipment:
The look on Mary's face said it all it showed signs of frailty, and her breathing was helped with the aid of pure oxygen, which helped in a way, but was uncomfortable having by the air hose in her nostrils. Mary also had the use of an air mattress, which helped her to feel comfortable while laying on her back to ease any pains.
Medical and Caregivers:
Although Mary was given medication for her pain, she also had a good team of Caregivers that saw to her every needs, twenty- four seven (24/7 ) she had the best care that could have been provided, and was well
looked after, she was waited on, and was granted anything that she wanted to eat or drink at anytime day or night.
Family Involvement:
During the last couple weeks before Mary's death, she had round the clock attention by her family, everyone doing their part to be with her. I had the chance to spend twelve hours with her, tending to her every needs,and doing what ever I could to make her as comfortable as possible. They were always family around her, and music playing softly in listening range. As the time drew near the Priest from her Church was called, to anoint her with Holy Oil, which is part of the last rites for many Christians that were dying. The family made the decision that the oxygen should be unplugged, and let her breathe on her own which was one of the stipulations written in her Values History.
Death Song:
As Mary lay on the bed of her last days, the death song were being played constantly, the gasping for air, wheezing of her lungs, the asking for something to drink, and that her lips be kept moist, what was most discomforting for her was the constant itching she had from laying on her back which had to be rubbed with cream to relieve some of the itching. It was so sad to see the person that was so active, and full of life lying on her bed awaiting death, the skeletal frame of Mary, with her eyes sunken into her sockets was seen as a fragile individual awaiting a death sentence. Mary died two days after, during the night in her sleep a good death knowing that her family was with her when she died.
Preparation:
Lets take a look at Mary's life and the planning she did on or before her death. We know that she and her husband, made a Living Will, and that Mary had amended parts of it to reflect what she wanted happen after her death. Although they both planned ahead preparing for each other, and did not leave any burden on their children, which was well though of.
The consensus is that the general public on the whole, thinks that an Advance Directive is not required at the very moment. The thought then, is nothing is going to happen to me, for the most part is the way people think, until something major happens, like an accident where it is very serious, and they are facing the End of Life.
If we think, about what we know about illness, death and what there is to do, why? are so many of us fail to plan for the End of Life, is it that we need to be more educated on the subject, or are we just acting ignorant to the fact that we just don't care about those things right now. By planning for what may happen in our lives, it makes sense, to have in place Legal Documents, that our children knows about, and what our wishes are in case there is an emergency, when we cannot communicate or make decisions for ourselves.
These legal documents include, a Living Will and Health Care Proxy also known as a ( Durable Power of Attorney.) Since wishes are communicated through the Advance Directive we should also have Values History Instructions which is optional. What is included in an Advance Directive?
Directions that lets the Medical Team knows the treatment that the patient want done, and do not want in case of extending or shortening life in any terminal conditions.
That there is a person designated to make decisions for the person, if they are hurt in an accident or incapable of doing so.
The kind of comfort care he/she decided, such as reducing pain,and suffering.
Preference based on his/her religion.
Mary made sure that all Legal Forms were signed, and all that was needed to take care of the burden that was going to be left for the children to sort out. They can now look forward of taking care of her wishes,and desires that were on the Advance Directive.
Mary's story was simple, with all the Legal and Financial Documents signed, and other important papers made available to her eldest daughter, she could rest, and be assured that her wishes for everyone and herself would be carried out. We know that death is certain, but we do not know the time, place or how it is going to happen, when the river of life runs smoothly, and suddenly there is a stone (illness) that disrupts everything it is definitely not the time to start thinking about an Advance Directive.
The Advance Directives answered all of what Mary wanted, and together with the Power of Attorney every thing possible was done to make her very comfortable. Mary I must say died well, and had a good death, with her family gathered in her room, and had a Priest anointed her with Holy Oil, which is the last rites , for a dying person of Christian faith.
What I should point out here was the Caregivers understanding of the family concerns, and they catered to Mary and the family every needs, everyone that worked with Mary, showed such patience when she did not want the oxygen hose in her nostrils, which was removed no questions asked, because the answer to that question was already filled out in her Values History Instructions.
Managing pain was foremost on the mind of children at this stage, and pain management was helped by medication. Mary's smile could be seen on her skeletal frame as her loved one told her how much she would be missed, and was loved. She left this world knowing she was loved, missed and her children, grand and great grand children would be taken care of, as stipulated in her will. I will say this, that it is very important to have all Advance Directives made out ahead of time, and signed just in case some misfortune happens.
Monday, June 20, 2011
The Teaching of The Catholic Church on Death and Dying
Belief and Faith:
The Catholic Church see it's teaching as a strong connection to the faith, and beliefs of its parishioners. The teaching on faith is so strong that it's many believers will agree, that faith, and belief plays a very important role in their every day lives.
This is due to the teaching, and the vast number of parishioners that have been educated in the Catholic schools, taught by Nuns, and Priests of which I was part of the teaching. The Church defines faith as " The act of the intellect asserting to a divine truth owing to the movement of the will, which is itself moved by the grace of God."
My own definition of faith is the understanding, of my circumstance given to anyone that would make a wise decision, about what needs to be done, and make it with a clear conscience with out doubts, to things that are right. Without belief there is no faith, if we do not believe then we have no faith, this is why Catholics profess their faith by saying "I believe" or "We believe" as |Catholics what do we believe in.? We believe that God became man born of the Virgin Mary, died, and was raised from the dead.
Since this is a mystery, we have to believe by expressing our faith with prayer, which sends a strong message to our faith, and beliefs, along with prayer, sacrifices, rituals, and meditation are all forms of our religious experiences.
Euthanasia:
The Catholic Church views euthanasia as wrong, any act of killing that deprives any individual the right to die. The Church social teaching declares the right of any individual or person, not to use unusual means that would prolong life, and at the same time rejects active intentional taking the life of a human being. It is seen as any procedure or failure that by its very nature, or wilful purpose which causes death and having the authority of putting an end to the suffering of any person(s).
Every human being have the right to live in a manner that is provided, since life is viewed as sacred, and is given by God. He alone has the right to pronounce death. It is written in the Bible " No man knows the time, place or where he will die" God alone knows that answer.
The Church expresses strong disapproval of euthanasia as morally wrong, it has always believed, and taught the complete and unchanging value, of the Commandment "Thou shall not kill." The Catholic Church has always said to its followers that nothing, and no one can in any way tolerate the killing of an innocent human being, whether be a fetus or and embryo, an infant or an adult, an old person, or one suffering from an incurable disease, or a person who is dying.
While the Church does condone the use of euthanasia in some countries it strongly advises its Priest, and Parishioners to pray for those that are carrying out these deeds, that it sees as mercy killings. What the Church is not happy about is when Doctors play God, and take away the life of a human, it is a doctors Hippocratic Oath to save lives instead of killing one. The Church regards life to be a gift from God, which also is true , as we all know, is unavoidable. We must all be able , not to hasten death, but to accept it with openness, and a conscious, responsibility, and full dignity for death.
Suicide:
As Catholics we have been taught that God has given life to us, and that we are responsible for our lives, suicide therefore contradicts this natural tendency of the human being to preserve, and commit his life, this act goes against the love of our living God. By committing suicide with the intention of showing an example, to a young person takes on the implications of a grave scandal, any and all who are being compelled to go through is committing suicide does so in contrary to the moral law.
What is seen is the persons irresponsibility for not taking ownership for his or her responsibilities, which is in fact the lack of dealing with problems which he or she cannot face, this is terms give us a sense of great fear or hardship, suffering or torture which can lead to the brink of carrying out this act. We know in years past, that the Catholic Church did not have funeral service for anyone that had committed suicide, or even allowed the burial in a Catholic cemetery. The Church strongly opposes suicide, especially assisted by a physician.
Feeding:
The Church see nutrition, and hydration as a grave matter when it comes to the dying patient, it should be a time when every thing should be done to help the patient. The failure to provide a patient with nutrition or hydration in speeding up the patients death is deemed an act of euthanasia. In cases where both nutrition and hydration does not help the patient, and may cause distress, it is best to let the patient die, say but this do happen to many.
The Church is clear that the guidelines of its teaching be followed without questions.
1. Nutrition and hydration, whether given artificially or orally are considered ordinary care.
2. Catholics are morally obliged to provide ordinary care.
3. Nutrition and hydration can never be withheld unless the person's death
is imminent and the use of such would be either harmful or of no benefit.
4. The wilful withholding of nutrition or hydration in order to bring about
a patients death is Euthanasia.
To re-emphasize the fact, food and water are necessities of human life, the Church is clear on its teaching. No one has the right to hasten the death of another human being terminal or not this action violate what we believe is the teaching of Christians life is sacred a gift from God. The Church is clear on what it sees as ordinary or extraordinary care. What all of us should expect when we are dying is ordinary care, from our physicians or loved ones, ands what is more natural that feeding one who is hungry.?
Pain Control:
We all at some point manage pain by popping a pill for headache, muscle pain, back pain or what other pain arises, but when the pain is severe after major medical surgery, the pills that we popped for minor pains does not work. The Church recognises the need for proper pain management, which must be ensured in the clinical setting. From a moral standpoint, a physician has the responsibility to administer medication that control or ease pain even if it may hasten death.
However in saying this, the effect of pain treatment guarantee that no one will suffer a painful death. Health care providers have to make an effort, to ensure that the medicine that is available eliminates or control the pain that is being provided to the patient.The Church knows that although death is imminent, the ordinary care owed to a sick patient cannot be interrupted. The use of painkillers to ease suffering of a dying, can be morally in line with human dignity if death is willed as ends to a means, but is seen as inevitable.
Morality:
The Church definition of morality is that it is rooted in natural law, which is defined by social norms, the values of dignity, fairness, honesty, and integrity are universal in the human experience. Catholic morality is particular tradition, to understand how this may live out, Catholic morality seek to interpret the Christian experience through the scriptures, and tradition ( teaching of Church fathers, conciliar: magisterium, etc) it incorporates the duties towards its members of the Roman Catholic Church community. ( teaching Catholics morals ) What may be considered moral to you or me may not be moral to others, because of the teaching of the Catholic religion, since morality varies from one culture to another, the teaching of moral values may not be taught in communities, thus the lack of morality may exist.
Apart from religion the observance of the moral law is impossible. It follows as a necessary consequence from Church teaching, as to the nature of morality. The Church admits that the moral law is knowable to reason: being the regulation of our free actions, whereby morality consists, is simple their right ordering with view to the perfecting of our rational nature.
Ethics:
Since morality is antecedent to ethics, it denoted those concrete activities of which ethics is the science. It may be defined as human conduct in so far as it is free, subordinated to the ideal of what is right, and uplifting. Ethics directs the activities of the will, that which must be good. hence ethics is seen as the science of moral rectitude of human acts in accordance with the first principle of natural reason.
Ethics is practical, and directive: for it orders, the activity of the will, moreover ethics not only directs a man how to act, if he wishes to be normally good, but sets before him the obligation to do good and avoid evil. Since we know what is ethical, is it ethical for doctor's to withhold the truth from a dying patient? in most part the answer is yes, with respect to the patient they have the right to know what the diagnosis of their illness is, what the treatment would be to sustain life.
It is not right for the patient to know the truth, so that if the outcome of the diagnosis is fatal, they can get all the necessary papers in order, and if death is imminent. If the doctors withhold this information from the patient, and the patient dies, then the doctor must be held accountable, and ethical responsible for failure of telling the truth.
Dying:
At some point in our lives, whether it's sooner or later, we are all going to die, but it does not have to be painful. The Church offers the sick, and terminal patients the comforting grace of anointing of the sick, and Eucharist, which is looked upon as the Sacrament of passing over from death to life, from this world to the next.
The Church shows compassion to the dying, as Jesus showed compassion to his people while on earth. As catholics we look forward to meeting Jesus face to face when we die, because Catholics believe, that there is a heaven, and Hell and when we die, if we were good on earth we will see Jesus in heaven.
As a person is dying the warmth touch of human hands is the form of being accompanied through the final mystery of life. Since none of us wants ti die deserted, and isolated from human hands that gives us a sense of peace as we leave this world, The Church also teaches us that confession is good for the soul, and stresses that the sick confess his or her sins to the priest for forgiveness before dying, in this way what ever is made known on earth is also made in heaven, and by doing so our sins would be forgiven.
Death:
We know that death is the end of life here on earth, but as catholics we believe that after death we are joined in heaven with our Heavenly father. Since our faith shapes our attitude towards death, the Church teaches that to respect life is to respect death. The Church vision of death is expressed in the funeral liturgy, when we pray " Lord for your faithful people life is changed not ended." When the body of our earthly dwelling lies in death we gain an everlasting dwelling place in heaven as Catholics.
As mentioned before Catholics believe in heaven and hell, but also in purgatory, this is a place for those who have died in a " state of grace " "that is they have committed a venial sin " or forgivable sins, may not go straight to heaven. Therefore death is the end of our earthly life, and our lives are measured by time, in the course of which we change, grow old, and with all living beings on earth, death seems like the normal end of life. That aspect of death lends urgency to our lives, remembering our mortality helps us realize that we have only a limited time in which to bring our lives to fulfillment.
Funerals (Rituals):
A Catholic funeral is different from the other Christian funerals, and can be with or without Mass considering the circumstances. There is a Virgil for the deceased, which is a service of prayers or songs either at the home of the deceased or in Church, before the day of the funeral by friends or relatives, but in most cases that I know off ( some Caribbean Islands ) it takes place after the burial.
Introduction To Rites:
At the funeral service the Priest greets the congregation and say " the grace of our Lord Jesus Christ, and the fellowship of the Holy Spirit be with you all " leading the coffin down the aisle Holy water is sprinkled, and there is an opening song and prayer. The liturgy of the word begins with a sermon passage from the Holy Bible, which is read out, as well as a Homily, and a Psalm ( Psalm 23: The Lord is My Shepard ) following the liturgy of the word is the Eucharist; there is a preparation of gifts, a Eucharist prayer is said, and Holy Communion is received.
The Mass ends, after the final commendation prayers are said, and the coffin is taken out of the church, and is proceed to the graveside or crematorium, here the final resting place the rite of committal or the final prayers are said, before the burial ( lowering of the coffin into the grave or cremation ) this closes the curtain of the deceased. In some cases family return to the deceased home, and say prayers again hoping that the deceased finds his or her way home to God.
The Catholic Church defines what a funeral is as follows:
The Christian funeral is a liturgical celebration of the Church. The ministry of the Church in this instance aids at expressing efficacious communion with the deceased, the participation in the communion of community gathered for the funeral, and at the proclamation of eternal life to the community.
The Catholic Church see it's teaching as a strong connection to the faith, and beliefs of its parishioners. The teaching on faith is so strong that it's many believers will agree, that faith, and belief plays a very important role in their every day lives.
This is due to the teaching, and the vast number of parishioners that have been educated in the Catholic schools, taught by Nuns, and Priests of which I was part of the teaching. The Church defines faith as " The act of the intellect asserting to a divine truth owing to the movement of the will, which is itself moved by the grace of God."
My own definition of faith is the understanding, of my circumstance given to anyone that would make a wise decision, about what needs to be done, and make it with a clear conscience with out doubts, to things that are right. Without belief there is no faith, if we do not believe then we have no faith, this is why Catholics profess their faith by saying "I believe" or "We believe" as |Catholics what do we believe in.? We believe that God became man born of the Virgin Mary, died, and was raised from the dead.
Since this is a mystery, we have to believe by expressing our faith with prayer, which sends a strong message to our faith, and beliefs, along with prayer, sacrifices, rituals, and meditation are all forms of our religious experiences.
Euthanasia:
The Catholic Church views euthanasia as wrong, any act of killing that deprives any individual the right to die. The Church social teaching declares the right of any individual or person, not to use unusual means that would prolong life, and at the same time rejects active intentional taking the life of a human being. It is seen as any procedure or failure that by its very nature, or wilful purpose which causes death and having the authority of putting an end to the suffering of any person(s).
Every human being have the right to live in a manner that is provided, since life is viewed as sacred, and is given by God. He alone has the right to pronounce death. It is written in the Bible " No man knows the time, place or where he will die" God alone knows that answer.
The Church expresses strong disapproval of euthanasia as morally wrong, it has always believed, and taught the complete and unchanging value, of the Commandment "Thou shall not kill." The Catholic Church has always said to its followers that nothing, and no one can in any way tolerate the killing of an innocent human being, whether be a fetus or and embryo, an infant or an adult, an old person, or one suffering from an incurable disease, or a person who is dying.
While the Church does condone the use of euthanasia in some countries it strongly advises its Priest, and Parishioners to pray for those that are carrying out these deeds, that it sees as mercy killings. What the Church is not happy about is when Doctors play God, and take away the life of a human, it is a doctors Hippocratic Oath to save lives instead of killing one. The Church regards life to be a gift from God, which also is true , as we all know, is unavoidable. We must all be able , not to hasten death, but to accept it with openness, and a conscious, responsibility, and full dignity for death.
Suicide:
As Catholics we have been taught that God has given life to us, and that we are responsible for our lives, suicide therefore contradicts this natural tendency of the human being to preserve, and commit his life, this act goes against the love of our living God. By committing suicide with the intention of showing an example, to a young person takes on the implications of a grave scandal, any and all who are being compelled to go through is committing suicide does so in contrary to the moral law.
What is seen is the persons irresponsibility for not taking ownership for his or her responsibilities, which is in fact the lack of dealing with problems which he or she cannot face, this is terms give us a sense of great fear or hardship, suffering or torture which can lead to the brink of carrying out this act. We know in years past, that the Catholic Church did not have funeral service for anyone that had committed suicide, or even allowed the burial in a Catholic cemetery. The Church strongly opposes suicide, especially assisted by a physician.
Feeding:
The Church see nutrition, and hydration as a grave matter when it comes to the dying patient, it should be a time when every thing should be done to help the patient. The failure to provide a patient with nutrition or hydration in speeding up the patients death is deemed an act of euthanasia. In cases where both nutrition and hydration does not help the patient, and may cause distress, it is best to let the patient die, say but this do happen to many.
The Church is clear that the guidelines of its teaching be followed without questions.
1. Nutrition and hydration, whether given artificially or orally are considered ordinary care.
2. Catholics are morally obliged to provide ordinary care.
3. Nutrition and hydration can never be withheld unless the person's death
is imminent and the use of such would be either harmful or of no benefit.
4. The wilful withholding of nutrition or hydration in order to bring about
a patients death is Euthanasia.
To re-emphasize the fact, food and water are necessities of human life, the Church is clear on its teaching. No one has the right to hasten the death of another human being terminal or not this action violate what we believe is the teaching of Christians life is sacred a gift from God. The Church is clear on what it sees as ordinary or extraordinary care. What all of us should expect when we are dying is ordinary care, from our physicians or loved ones, ands what is more natural that feeding one who is hungry.?
Pain Control:
We all at some point manage pain by popping a pill for headache, muscle pain, back pain or what other pain arises, but when the pain is severe after major medical surgery, the pills that we popped for minor pains does not work. The Church recognises the need for proper pain management, which must be ensured in the clinical setting. From a moral standpoint, a physician has the responsibility to administer medication that control or ease pain even if it may hasten death.
However in saying this, the effect of pain treatment guarantee that no one will suffer a painful death. Health care providers have to make an effort, to ensure that the medicine that is available eliminates or control the pain that is being provided to the patient.The Church knows that although death is imminent, the ordinary care owed to a sick patient cannot be interrupted. The use of painkillers to ease suffering of a dying, can be morally in line with human dignity if death is willed as ends to a means, but is seen as inevitable.
Morality:
The Church definition of morality is that it is rooted in natural law, which is defined by social norms, the values of dignity, fairness, honesty, and integrity are universal in the human experience. Catholic morality is particular tradition, to understand how this may live out, Catholic morality seek to interpret the Christian experience through the scriptures, and tradition ( teaching of Church fathers, conciliar: magisterium, etc) it incorporates the duties towards its members of the Roman Catholic Church community. ( teaching Catholics morals ) What may be considered moral to you or me may not be moral to others, because of the teaching of the Catholic religion, since morality varies from one culture to another, the teaching of moral values may not be taught in communities, thus the lack of morality may exist.
Apart from religion the observance of the moral law is impossible. It follows as a necessary consequence from Church teaching, as to the nature of morality. The Church admits that the moral law is knowable to reason: being the regulation of our free actions, whereby morality consists, is simple their right ordering with view to the perfecting of our rational nature.
Ethics:
Since morality is antecedent to ethics, it denoted those concrete activities of which ethics is the science. It may be defined as human conduct in so far as it is free, subordinated to the ideal of what is right, and uplifting. Ethics directs the activities of the will, that which must be good. hence ethics is seen as the science of moral rectitude of human acts in accordance with the first principle of natural reason.
Ethics is practical, and directive: for it orders, the activity of the will, moreover ethics not only directs a man how to act, if he wishes to be normally good, but sets before him the obligation to do good and avoid evil. Since we know what is ethical, is it ethical for doctor's to withhold the truth from a dying patient? in most part the answer is yes, with respect to the patient they have the right to know what the diagnosis of their illness is, what the treatment would be to sustain life.
It is not right for the patient to know the truth, so that if the outcome of the diagnosis is fatal, they can get all the necessary papers in order, and if death is imminent. If the doctors withhold this information from the patient, and the patient dies, then the doctor must be held accountable, and ethical responsible for failure of telling the truth.
Dying:
At some point in our lives, whether it's sooner or later, we are all going to die, but it does not have to be painful. The Church offers the sick, and terminal patients the comforting grace of anointing of the sick, and Eucharist, which is looked upon as the Sacrament of passing over from death to life, from this world to the next.
The Church shows compassion to the dying, as Jesus showed compassion to his people while on earth. As catholics we look forward to meeting Jesus face to face when we die, because Catholics believe, that there is a heaven, and Hell and when we die, if we were good on earth we will see Jesus in heaven.
As a person is dying the warmth touch of human hands is the form of being accompanied through the final mystery of life. Since none of us wants ti die deserted, and isolated from human hands that gives us a sense of peace as we leave this world, The Church also teaches us that confession is good for the soul, and stresses that the sick confess his or her sins to the priest for forgiveness before dying, in this way what ever is made known on earth is also made in heaven, and by doing so our sins would be forgiven.
Death:
We know that death is the end of life here on earth, but as catholics we believe that after death we are joined in heaven with our Heavenly father. Since our faith shapes our attitude towards death, the Church teaches that to respect life is to respect death. The Church vision of death is expressed in the funeral liturgy, when we pray " Lord for your faithful people life is changed not ended." When the body of our earthly dwelling lies in death we gain an everlasting dwelling place in heaven as Catholics.
As mentioned before Catholics believe in heaven and hell, but also in purgatory, this is a place for those who have died in a " state of grace " "that is they have committed a venial sin " or forgivable sins, may not go straight to heaven. Therefore death is the end of our earthly life, and our lives are measured by time, in the course of which we change, grow old, and with all living beings on earth, death seems like the normal end of life. That aspect of death lends urgency to our lives, remembering our mortality helps us realize that we have only a limited time in which to bring our lives to fulfillment.
Funerals (Rituals):
A Catholic funeral is different from the other Christian funerals, and can be with or without Mass considering the circumstances. There is a Virgil for the deceased, which is a service of prayers or songs either at the home of the deceased or in Church, before the day of the funeral by friends or relatives, but in most cases that I know off ( some Caribbean Islands ) it takes place after the burial.
Introduction To Rites:
At the funeral service the Priest greets the congregation and say " the grace of our Lord Jesus Christ, and the fellowship of the Holy Spirit be with you all " leading the coffin down the aisle Holy water is sprinkled, and there is an opening song and prayer. The liturgy of the word begins with a sermon passage from the Holy Bible, which is read out, as well as a Homily, and a Psalm ( Psalm 23: The Lord is My Shepard ) following the liturgy of the word is the Eucharist; there is a preparation of gifts, a Eucharist prayer is said, and Holy Communion is received.
The Mass ends, after the final commendation prayers are said, and the coffin is taken out of the church, and is proceed to the graveside or crematorium, here the final resting place the rite of committal or the final prayers are said, before the burial ( lowering of the coffin into the grave or cremation ) this closes the curtain of the deceased. In some cases family return to the deceased home, and say prayers again hoping that the deceased finds his or her way home to God.
The Catholic Church defines what a funeral is as follows:
The Christian funeral is a liturgical celebration of the Church. The ministry of the Church in this instance aids at expressing efficacious communion with the deceased, the participation in the communion of community gathered for the funeral, and at the proclamation of eternal life to the community.
Friday, April 29, 2011
Culture and Death Systems
Culture plays an important part in the death system of our world. The death in each culture is different from each other. The culture of the Chinese is a lot different from that of an African American and the rest of this multicultural society, we live in. In each culture the death system is present whether we know it or not, and it consists of five components.
1. People
2. Places
3. Time
4. Objects
5. Symbols
These five components performs seven functions:
1. Warnings and Predictions
2. Prevention
3. Care of the Dying
4. Disposing of the Dead
5. Social Consolidation
6. Making Sense of Death
7. Killing
Since we all belong and contribute to "Systems". The word system is all part of our daily workbook. We are members of a Country's Political System. We are also part of the Health Care System. No matter our circumstances we are part of a system.
These components and functions gives us a way of understanding society and or culture, but our role within that society cultural system, when faced with death in its self are in various forms.
What is a death system Robert Kastenbaum (1998) describes it as the interpersonal, sociophysical and symbolic network, through which an individuals relationship to mortality is mediated by his or her culture.
Let us take a look at our death system and who or what it is comprised off, in the tables you will see names and people, or even things that may have been left out, not by mistake but for you to think of who, or what you think should be included.
Table1
Systems Who are they Role they play
People Funeral Directors,Morgue Attendants First to come to mind
Cemetery Workers, Clergy All members of any death
system.
Citizens Core members
Florists, Lawyers Continuous players
Copy Writers,Real Estate Brokers
Developers and Construction Firms,and
Insurance Brokers.
Places Cemeteries, Crematoriums, Plays a lasting Social Political
and Funeral Homes. or Spiritual power simple by
chance.
Battlefields National and Historical
treasures
Haunted Houses
Times Remembrance Day, The Eleventh National Mourning for those
Hour of the Eleventh day of the who died in the War
Eleventh Month
Saints and Martyrs day. In Religious affiliation of
Mexico, the day of the Christmas Jewish People
Dead. or Shinto.
Birthday,Wedding Anniversary, Date
of Death (of love ones) Christmas,
Easter and Thanksgiving.
Objects The Hearse, Headstone, Coffin or Casket
Symbols Cigarettes Referred to as Coffin nails
Automobile or Aircraft Flying Coffin
Black arm bands for men Black Signaled their Status as
or Purple dresses for women Mourners.
WARNING AND PREVENTION
We have all come across some kind of warning or prediction of death, either by intuition or by your gut feeling. These feelings or what ever we call them are based on the following:
a. Folk Custom
b. Science
c. Religion
d. Personal Revelation
We all know that warnings can be either:
a. Accurate
b. Imaginary
c. false
d. Exaggerated
As Individuals living in a Society, where skeptics tends to be all around us we have the choice to either:
a. Respond
b. Ignore the warning
For us to navigate through, this warning system, meaning, prioritizing and assigning value to the warning it must be taken seriously.
The following are some warnings:
Table 2
Kind of Warning
Weather Report Storm, Hurricane and Tornado
Small Craft Given the population close to
major waterways.
Ecological and Environmental hazards and galactic catastrophe
Predictions of pollution earthquake, tidal waves, volcanic eruptions, meteor
showers and infectious diseases.
Psychics Use for entertainment purposes or for personal use
What we think and how we response to these warning and predictions depends on our belief in:
a. How accurate is the warning?
b. How close are we to the event?
c. What time would it happen?
PREVENTION SYSTEM
Physicians and Workers ..... First line of defense is our war on death.
Research Scientists ........... Fight to keep us alive with different drugs.
Police and Firefighters ...... Recruit individuals willing to face danger of
eminent death.
Transportation .... Highway crews reduce the chance of accident and death, by
keeping it in a safe state.
Advertisement .... Campaigns reminding us to drive safe, don't drink and drive.
CARE OF THE DYING
As the population ages caring for the dying continues as a priority of our death system. We move from cure mode, to care mode of comfort, of palliation and the declining of death. Our ability to understand the value, and meaning expressed by the dying is distorted by our values.
DISPOSING OF THE BODY
Method of disposal of the body differs between and within Cultures.
Funeral or Last Rites ........Community expression of its relationship to that of the
deceased.
SOCIAL CONSOLIDATION AFTER DEATH
Death can shatter our assumptive world, what is normally expected to be true may no longer be relevant. The death system either fosters or thwarts this integration.
Emotional Support ........ Consolation, Encouragement and Empathy
Practical Support .......... The doing of tasks and provision of services
re-establishment and define person hood.
Information Support ...... Feedback allows the Bereaved to engaged in reality.
Testing, modifying andestablishing new cognition's,
expectations behaviours and emotions congruent
with new roles.
MAKING SENSE OF DEATH
One of the questions we all ask our selves is " Why?". How can this happen? making sense of death is to discover some reason or purpose, what has death served. The urgency of making sense of death is intensified when death is
Traumatic:
a. Sudden
b. Unexpected
c. Violent
d. Mutilating
e. Involves Children.
1. People
2. Places
3. Time
4. Objects
5. Symbols
These five components performs seven functions:
1. Warnings and Predictions
2. Prevention
3. Care of the Dying
4. Disposing of the Dead
5. Social Consolidation
6. Making Sense of Death
7. Killing
Since we all belong and contribute to "Systems". The word system is all part of our daily workbook. We are members of a Country's Political System. We are also part of the Health Care System. No matter our circumstances we are part of a system.
These components and functions gives us a way of understanding society and or culture, but our role within that society cultural system, when faced with death in its self are in various forms.
What is a death system Robert Kastenbaum (1998) describes it as the interpersonal, sociophysical and symbolic network, through which an individuals relationship to mortality is mediated by his or her culture.
Let us take a look at our death system and who or what it is comprised off, in the tables you will see names and people, or even things that may have been left out, not by mistake but for you to think of who, or what you think should be included.
Table1
Systems Who are they Role they play
People Funeral Directors,Morgue Attendants First to come to mind
Cemetery Workers, Clergy All members of any death
system.
Citizens Core members
Florists, Lawyers Continuous players
Copy Writers,Real Estate Brokers
Developers and Construction Firms,and
Insurance Brokers.
Places Cemeteries, Crematoriums, Plays a lasting Social Political
and Funeral Homes. or Spiritual power simple by
chance.
Battlefields National and Historical
treasures
Haunted Houses
Times Remembrance Day, The Eleventh National Mourning for those
Hour of the Eleventh day of the who died in the War
Eleventh Month
Saints and Martyrs day. In Religious affiliation of
Mexico, the day of the Christmas Jewish People
Dead. or Shinto.
Birthday,Wedding Anniversary, Date
of Death (of love ones) Christmas,
Easter and Thanksgiving.
Objects The Hearse, Headstone, Coffin or Casket
Symbols Cigarettes Referred to as Coffin nails
Automobile or Aircraft Flying Coffin
Black arm bands for men Black Signaled their Status as
or Purple dresses for women Mourners.
WARNING AND PREVENTION
We have all come across some kind of warning or prediction of death, either by intuition or by your gut feeling. These feelings or what ever we call them are based on the following:
a. Folk Custom
b. Science
c. Religion
d. Personal Revelation
We all know that warnings can be either:
a. Accurate
b. Imaginary
c. false
d. Exaggerated
As Individuals living in a Society, where skeptics tends to be all around us we have the choice to either:
a. Respond
b. Ignore the warning
For us to navigate through, this warning system, meaning, prioritizing and assigning value to the warning it must be taken seriously.
The following are some warnings:
Table 2
Kind of Warning
Weather Report Storm, Hurricane and Tornado
Small Craft Given the population close to
major waterways.
Ecological and Environmental hazards and galactic catastrophe
Predictions of pollution earthquake, tidal waves, volcanic eruptions, meteor
showers and infectious diseases.
Psychics Use for entertainment purposes or for personal use
What we think and how we response to these warning and predictions depends on our belief in:
a. How accurate is the warning?
b. How close are we to the event?
c. What time would it happen?
PREVENTION SYSTEM
Physicians and Workers ..... First line of defense is our war on death.
Research Scientists ........... Fight to keep us alive with different drugs.
Police and Firefighters ...... Recruit individuals willing to face danger of
eminent death.
Transportation .... Highway crews reduce the chance of accident and death, by
keeping it in a safe state.
Advertisement .... Campaigns reminding us to drive safe, don't drink and drive.
CARE OF THE DYING
As the population ages caring for the dying continues as a priority of our death system. We move from cure mode, to care mode of comfort, of palliation and the declining of death. Our ability to understand the value, and meaning expressed by the dying is distorted by our values.
DISPOSING OF THE BODY
Method of disposal of the body differs between and within Cultures.
Funeral or Last Rites ........Community expression of its relationship to that of the
deceased.
SOCIAL CONSOLIDATION AFTER DEATH
Death can shatter our assumptive world, what is normally expected to be true may no longer be relevant. The death system either fosters or thwarts this integration.
Emotional Support ........ Consolation, Encouragement and Empathy
Practical Support .......... The doing of tasks and provision of services
re-establishment and define person hood.
Information Support ...... Feedback allows the Bereaved to engaged in reality.
Testing, modifying andestablishing new cognition's,
expectations behaviours and emotions congruent
with new roles.
MAKING SENSE OF DEATH
One of the questions we all ask our selves is " Why?". How can this happen? making sense of death is to discover some reason or purpose, what has death served. The urgency of making sense of death is intensified when death is
Traumatic:
a. Sudden
b. Unexpected
c. Violent
d. Mutilating
e. Involves Children.
Sunday, April 3, 2011
People with Developmental Disability
The task of Their Grief Part 5
Conclusion:
It is important that people with Developmental Disabilities be given the right to participate fully in the grief and mourning process, and in all of the systems, and rituals associated with their loss. We must understand however, that signs of grieving will not show right away but it is present, it is the care providers responsibility that they take the time to explain what has happened to a love one, a peer, a staff or pet that died.
To make their grieving process easy we the care provider need to reassure them that someone will always be there to help them with their time of grieving. Guidelines should be put in place, where it can be helpful not only for the individual with the developmental disabilities, but also the care provider, this will make it a much smoother transition in helping the individual.
Bereavement Counseling for persons with developmental disabilities should be made available and not just when a maladaptive reaction has been recognized as grief. It may be very helpful that both individual and group work with the bereaved particularly nonverbal be approached with care when doing grief work. The use of counseling picture books will be most helpful in this situation.
It is unfortunately that there are no Bereavement Counselors helping the individuals with developmental disabilities it goes to shown that society is forgetting that these individuals are also human being and is part of the whole picture that help make our society forgotten or not.
They also live in the community and lead productive lives, it may not be to society's standards but they enjoy life to the fullest just like you and me. It is time that they do share in all rituals that are in the community, when someone they know dies, provider's, family members and guardian must must give them the opportunity to make the choice whether they would like to be included in the whole death system.
By giving them the opportunity to grieve / mourn it will ease the behaviours of the individuals with developmental disabilities, which will make the grieving and mourning process much easier. We must remember that it is our duty as Bereavement Counselors to help the individual developmental disabilities as much as possible , so that they can return to their normal day to day activities without disruptions in their lives.
Conclusion:
It is important that people with Developmental Disabilities be given the right to participate fully in the grief and mourning process, and in all of the systems, and rituals associated with their loss. We must understand however, that signs of grieving will not show right away but it is present, it is the care providers responsibility that they take the time to explain what has happened to a love one, a peer, a staff or pet that died.
To make their grieving process easy we the care provider need to reassure them that someone will always be there to help them with their time of grieving. Guidelines should be put in place, where it can be helpful not only for the individual with the developmental disabilities, but also the care provider, this will make it a much smoother transition in helping the individual.
Bereavement Counseling for persons with developmental disabilities should be made available and not just when a maladaptive reaction has been recognized as grief. It may be very helpful that both individual and group work with the bereaved particularly nonverbal be approached with care when doing grief work. The use of counseling picture books will be most helpful in this situation.
It is unfortunately that there are no Bereavement Counselors helping the individuals with developmental disabilities it goes to shown that society is forgetting that these individuals are also human being and is part of the whole picture that help make our society forgotten or not.
They also live in the community and lead productive lives, it may not be to society's standards but they enjoy life to the fullest just like you and me. It is time that they do share in all rituals that are in the community, when someone they know dies, provider's, family members and guardian must must give them the opportunity to make the choice whether they would like to be included in the whole death system.
By giving them the opportunity to grieve / mourn it will ease the behaviours of the individuals with developmental disabilities, which will make the grieving and mourning process much easier. We must remember that it is our duty as Bereavement Counselors to help the individual developmental disabilities as much as possible , so that they can return to their normal day to day activities without disruptions in their lives.
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