The answer to the question when is it important to discuss end of life issues varies, amongst the population, and different cultures. In Western civilization, we are hearing that more serious discussions are needed to take place within the family homes,more so in the present, than in the past. The reason is that the vast majority of people travel, more to their jobs, vacations, and simple driving for pleasure,which makes sense that discussions on the matter of end of life issues must be discussed, more so now than ever.
There are no set times when to discuss the important issues of end of life. It was not customary for many families to talk about death, or talk about the issues of life illnesses, the making of living wills,these were not something many families were willing to discussed among relatives, and the power of attorney was not written down most of the time, parents knew what they would do to save their love one's in case of grave illness.
Today it is not so, the individual have to make a decision before any illness is foreseen, and must have the power of attorney ready in case he /she cannot make decisions for themselves. In most cases it is best to say that the proper time to start a discussion about end of life is when that individual leaves home to start a family, in this way they both know what each other wants in case they are incapacitated due to a serious accident or a terminal illness.
By doing so they would have every thing in place especially, if young children are involve, they would know who is going to take the children and care for them, if both parents dies, too many incidents take place when families go against one another as to who would raise a siblings children, if a will is not made out.
The head of the family need to raise, and discuss the end of life issues the word DNR, Power of Attorney (Health Care Proxy) and, living Will, are all legal papers, that takes care of an individual, who are not able to make decisions on their own if incapacitated.
Perhaps if the general public educate themselves more about what the advance directives entails, it would help individuals, or families make wise decisions to make an effort to have a Will and Health care proxy filled out making it easier for everyone, that are involved with a love one, making life less complicated when discussing the End of Life Issues.
The whys of discussing this topic is not on the forefront of everyone mind, for those that have discussed the end of life issues with their love one's is great. The many that were unfortunate to, must ask themselves why is it important to discusses these issues, it may have been they were not educated , or have been told that it was costly to have a Will, and Health proxy made out, the truth is it is not.
The best defence one can have is to discuss the issues, and take the necessary steps to make sure that it's what you and your family wants, knowing the truth about what is important puts you in a position of security, and knowing this makes it feel right that you have done the right thing. What matters now is that the family is at ease because of the discussion.
Since we know that death is inevitable, and that we will have to come to terms facing the death of a loved one, should we not prepare for what we know is certain, and have the understanding as to why it is important to discuss the end of life issues.
To be able to discuss this issue we need to come to the understanding, death is not an easy thing to discuss or a place to be, but neither is it horrible as we imagine, that is why it is very important to discuss the end of life issues, by preparing ourselves well in advance, we will be able to deal with issues that may arise, and be comfortable discussing them.
Tuesday, December 20, 2011
Wednesday, December 14, 2011
IS MOURNING NECESSARY? AND WHY?
Purpose:
It is necessary for all humans to mourn, from the time and day we were born we all had that instinct that if we cry as babies, we will get what we want. Instinct that is built in us are ways of asking for help, that we are hungry, or I want you to be close to me. Close relationship plays a major part of the mourning process not only amongst babies, but teens, adolescences and adults.
If we took a trip back in time when we were babies we would see the need we had as little boys or girls, while growing up, we cry when left alone, in a room while our mothers, or caregiver left the room for any long period, although we were able to see or hear the voice of that person.
It is not being in the same room that may have a lot to do with how much we had bond with that individual (Mother,Father) the close bonding may be strange at first, but it was the only way a baby knew he/she could keep mother or father at arms length, by getting the attention they deserved.
Children cry for many reasons, when the attachment between parents and child is great it makes it very difficult to leave the child with anyone. It is worst when that baby grows to be a toddler, and have to attend preschool, and mother may have to leave him/ her with someone the child is not familiar with.
The child mourns for his/her mother because the separation is great, that they may cry for a long period of time before settling down, and adapting to the familiar surroundings.Everyone mourns, which is necessary, not only for our health but society expects that of us, when loss has occurred. This is true especially those that we loved, and had a strong relationship with.
The facts are most of us that have a healthy attachment usually had a good relationship with their mother, while on the other hand, those with an unhealthy attachment may have had a bad relationship with their mother, that may not be true in all cases.
ATTACHMENT THEORY (Bowlby 1979)
The term attachment is the strong emotional bond that develops between infants and caregiver, providing the infant(s) with emotional security. It can be said that it is an active, affectionate, reciprocal relationship specifically between two individuals, as distinguished from all other persons. What this says is the interaction between the two parties continues to be reinforced and strenghten while their bond.
In (1969) Bowlby applied the idea to the infant caregiver bond, which was inspired by Lorenz (1952) studies of imprinting in baby geese. He believed that the human baby, like the young of most animal species, are equipped with a set of built-in behaviors that help keep the parent nearby, increasing the chance that the infant will be protected from danger, and contact with the parent also ensures that the baby will be fed, but Bowlby was careful to the point out that feeding is not the basis for attachment.
Virtually any activity on a baby's part that leads to a response from the adult is an attachment behavior: sucking, crying,smiling, clinging, choking, hiccuping, moving the body, changing the rhythm of breathing, sneezing, burping, and ,looking into the mother's eyes. (Richards,1071: Robson, 1967: Bowlby, 1958)
According to Bowlby, (1969) the infant's relationship to the parent begins as a set of innate signals that call the adult to the baby's side. As time passes, a true affectionate bond develops, which is supported by new cognitive and emotional capacities as well as a history of consistent, sensitive, responsive care by the parent.
Out of this experience, children form an enduring affectionate bond with their caregiver enabling them to use this attachment figure as a secure base across time and distance.
The inner representation of this parent child bond becomes an important part of their personality. It serves as an internal working model, or set of expectations about the availability of attachment figures, the likelihood of receiving support from them during times of stress, and the interaction with other figures. This image becomes the basis for all future close relationships during infancy, childhood, adolescence, and adult life.
Bowlby's (1969) attachment theory appears to be quite sound. Although it looks right our earliest relationship becomes an important part of our lives, and that the internal working models guides us throughout any future relationships. However even though Bowlby's (1979) theory makes good sense, we have to evaluate the evidence that was used to support it.
Using the attachment theory to explain the question is Mourning necessary? And Why?: Let's look at the definition of mourning ----- It is the process of adapting to the losses in our lives. I will go one step further and say ---- It is the losses of everything we may have acquire throughout our life, which have been loss, and which have been significant to us over time.
Since separation is a high cost to pay for any child the mere idea of a mother leaving a child for any length of time is a loss given that built in instinct. The child thinks, that his /her mother is gone and may not return, and begins to cry until mother has returned.
If we talk about the loss of people we have loved, not those from whom we are emotional disengaged. I am talking about losses that gives us good cause to grieve, the weight of our grief could crush or drive those around us away, making all our earlier losses to resurface. How do we know that we are fending off mourning, and not just what is untouched by the loss? According to Bowlby, (1969) there are many clues; we may be tense and short-tempered, or had and formal, or cheerful, or withdrawn, or drawn excessively to abuse, alcohol or drugs.
We may have physical symptoms, trading in psychic for bodily pain, we may have insomnia and bad dreams, and may not be able to tolerate any discussion of loss. Though out life each one of us in some way form or fashion have to mourn. It may be for a pet, husband, wife, job or siblings, no matter what or how the loss came we have to mourn.
People form attachments through relationships,forming a strong bond, at times, when that relationship ends we find ourselves mourning, because of what was meant to each other. According to Bowlby (1969) he said that, the bereaved doesn't need consolation, condolences, encouragement, solace or support; he /she needs information.
In his book "Loss" Bowlby (1982) does not describe what therapy would be like, he explained that attachment behavior, separation behavior etc, can be useful, especially if adults talked about their own situation, and own mode of dealing with the inadequate help after the loss of someone they were closed to.
It is therapeutic, in a small way, knowing that "chronic mourning" or "disorganization" is part of nature and is mostly related to the behavior of primates in the wild, which relieves the bubble of isolation that the chronic griever may be stuck in.
The crucial point Bowlby make entails the notion that the bereaved doesn't know his life has radically changed after his/her attachment figure is loss. He/she will attempt again and again to deal with everyday situation as if his/her world worked the same as usual, when in actual fact everything has changed, new and unknown.
That is why the mourning process develops healthfully when the bereaved painfully learns that his .her life is hinged round his/her attachment figure, and that what made sense with him/ her before doesn't make sense any more.
Three phases of Separation
Protest : Related to separation
Despair: Related to Grief and mourning
Detachment or Denial : related to defense / isolation
Task of Mourning
Denial / isolation / shock; Anger; Depression; Bargaining ; Acceptance
Mourning is necessary if we are too remain healthy, if and when we have any loss, and we do not mourn or grieve it can have mental, and physical implication in our lives, which can be detrimental. With these ailments bad thoughts can manifest itself through dreams, which may or may not lead us to hurt our self.
It is necessary for all humans to mourn, from the time and day we were born we all had that instinct that if we cry as babies, we will get what we want. Instinct that is built in us are ways of asking for help, that we are hungry, or I want you to be close to me. Close relationship plays a major part of the mourning process not only amongst babies, but teens, adolescences and adults.
If we took a trip back in time when we were babies we would see the need we had as little boys or girls, while growing up, we cry when left alone, in a room while our mothers, or caregiver left the room for any long period, although we were able to see or hear the voice of that person.
It is not being in the same room that may have a lot to do with how much we had bond with that individual (Mother,Father) the close bonding may be strange at first, but it was the only way a baby knew he/she could keep mother or father at arms length, by getting the attention they deserved.
Children cry for many reasons, when the attachment between parents and child is great it makes it very difficult to leave the child with anyone. It is worst when that baby grows to be a toddler, and have to attend preschool, and mother may have to leave him/ her with someone the child is not familiar with.
The child mourns for his/her mother because the separation is great, that they may cry for a long period of time before settling down, and adapting to the familiar surroundings.Everyone mourns, which is necessary, not only for our health but society expects that of us, when loss has occurred. This is true especially those that we loved, and had a strong relationship with.
The facts are most of us that have a healthy attachment usually had a good relationship with their mother, while on the other hand, those with an unhealthy attachment may have had a bad relationship with their mother, that may not be true in all cases.
ATTACHMENT THEORY (Bowlby 1979)
The term attachment is the strong emotional bond that develops between infants and caregiver, providing the infant(s) with emotional security. It can be said that it is an active, affectionate, reciprocal relationship specifically between two individuals, as distinguished from all other persons. What this says is the interaction between the two parties continues to be reinforced and strenghten while their bond.
In (1969) Bowlby applied the idea to the infant caregiver bond, which was inspired by Lorenz (1952) studies of imprinting in baby geese. He believed that the human baby, like the young of most animal species, are equipped with a set of built-in behaviors that help keep the parent nearby, increasing the chance that the infant will be protected from danger, and contact with the parent also ensures that the baby will be fed, but Bowlby was careful to the point out that feeding is not the basis for attachment.
Virtually any activity on a baby's part that leads to a response from the adult is an attachment behavior: sucking, crying,smiling, clinging, choking, hiccuping, moving the body, changing the rhythm of breathing, sneezing, burping, and ,looking into the mother's eyes. (Richards,1071: Robson, 1967: Bowlby, 1958)
According to Bowlby, (1969) the infant's relationship to the parent begins as a set of innate signals that call the adult to the baby's side. As time passes, a true affectionate bond develops, which is supported by new cognitive and emotional capacities as well as a history of consistent, sensitive, responsive care by the parent.
Out of this experience, children form an enduring affectionate bond with their caregiver enabling them to use this attachment figure as a secure base across time and distance.
The inner representation of this parent child bond becomes an important part of their personality. It serves as an internal working model, or set of expectations about the availability of attachment figures, the likelihood of receiving support from them during times of stress, and the interaction with other figures. This image becomes the basis for all future close relationships during infancy, childhood, adolescence, and adult life.
Bowlby's (1969) attachment theory appears to be quite sound. Although it looks right our earliest relationship becomes an important part of our lives, and that the internal working models guides us throughout any future relationships. However even though Bowlby's (1979) theory makes good sense, we have to evaluate the evidence that was used to support it.
Using the attachment theory to explain the question is Mourning necessary? And Why?: Let's look at the definition of mourning ----- It is the process of adapting to the losses in our lives. I will go one step further and say ---- It is the losses of everything we may have acquire throughout our life, which have been loss, and which have been significant to us over time.
Since separation is a high cost to pay for any child the mere idea of a mother leaving a child for any length of time is a loss given that built in instinct. The child thinks, that his /her mother is gone and may not return, and begins to cry until mother has returned.
If we talk about the loss of people we have loved, not those from whom we are emotional disengaged. I am talking about losses that gives us good cause to grieve, the weight of our grief could crush or drive those around us away, making all our earlier losses to resurface. How do we know that we are fending off mourning, and not just what is untouched by the loss? According to Bowlby, (1969) there are many clues; we may be tense and short-tempered, or had and formal, or cheerful, or withdrawn, or drawn excessively to abuse, alcohol or drugs.
We may have physical symptoms, trading in psychic for bodily pain, we may have insomnia and bad dreams, and may not be able to tolerate any discussion of loss. Though out life each one of us in some way form or fashion have to mourn. It may be for a pet, husband, wife, job or siblings, no matter what or how the loss came we have to mourn.
People form attachments through relationships,forming a strong bond, at times, when that relationship ends we find ourselves mourning, because of what was meant to each other. According to Bowlby (1969) he said that, the bereaved doesn't need consolation, condolences, encouragement, solace or support; he /she needs information.
In his book "Loss" Bowlby (1982) does not describe what therapy would be like, he explained that attachment behavior, separation behavior etc, can be useful, especially if adults talked about their own situation, and own mode of dealing with the inadequate help after the loss of someone they were closed to.
It is therapeutic, in a small way, knowing that "chronic mourning" or "disorganization" is part of nature and is mostly related to the behavior of primates in the wild, which relieves the bubble of isolation that the chronic griever may be stuck in.
The crucial point Bowlby make entails the notion that the bereaved doesn't know his life has radically changed after his/her attachment figure is loss. He/she will attempt again and again to deal with everyday situation as if his/her world worked the same as usual, when in actual fact everything has changed, new and unknown.
That is why the mourning process develops healthfully when the bereaved painfully learns that his .her life is hinged round his/her attachment figure, and that what made sense with him/ her before doesn't make sense any more.
Three phases of Separation
Protest : Related to separation
Despair: Related to Grief and mourning
Detachment or Denial : related to defense / isolation
Task of Mourning
Denial / isolation / shock; Anger; Depression; Bargaining ; Acceptance
Mourning is necessary if we are too remain healthy, if and when we have any loss, and we do not mourn or grieve it can have mental, and physical implication in our lives, which can be detrimental. With these ailments bad thoughts can manifest itself through dreams, which may or may not lead us to hurt our self.
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