I Never Know What To Say

I found it hard to express myself when someone you know dies, most of the time words come out wrong and that can hurt more to the grieving relatives, if you do not have any kind words to say it is best to be quiet, in most cases the best you can say is except my sympathy.

One of the hardest things to do when someone dies is knowing what to say. We do not say things intentionally, to cause the person who is in mourning more pain that they are already going through, it is difficult to know exactly what to say in any circumstance, due to a loss. It is best at times not to say anything, but to say I am sorry to hear of _________________ death, or simple be silent.

It is our human nature to talk, but when words are spoken out of context, we may do more harm than good to that person that is in mourning. We try so hard to please people who are in crisis situation, but each situation is very different. We also try hard to help out in many ways, but there is a right and wrong way to do this. there are no sanctioned way of expressing either professional or personal sympathy for the loss of a friend, there are now greeting cards to show that you care, but expressing your sympathy and condolence in person is one of the best ways.

In order to help someone mourn we must first know ourselves, and the limitation that we as individuals can cope with. We cannot help anyone that is in mourning the death of a loved one, if we have not dealt with any issues of the death of a loved one. We have to be comfortable with the issues, and the steps one goes through, when it comes to mourning the loss of a loved one or any other loss.

If we are in a position to help, then go ahead and do so,but wait for the person or someone to ask. It is not wrong to say no, but it would be a disaster to say yes and that somewhere down the road, you turn your back and walk away without any explanation. It is a great responsibility when asked to help a friend in mourning, if you can in anyway do so, if you cannot say no. They would understand if it is explained to them.

Here are some of the ways we can help someone that is mourning any loss especially a loved one who has

1.  Take your cues from them.
2.   Look for hand gestures, head movement or eye contact.
3.   Listening ..................... let them verbalize.
4.   Hold  their hands while listening to them verbalize.
5.   Give them  permission to cry.
6.   Be there for your friend.
7.   Assure the person that it will be okay.

In as much as we hate the part that death plays, it is in our nature to impose our ideas to a person that needs the support. This is a mistake, and will be unfair to the person(s) in mourning, before saying anything that may sound negative give it lots of thought, because what you say will have an impact on that person for a long time. 

If we take a more gentle approach, in knowing what to say in times of loss, be through a death, a divorce or loss of a job find the time to be an active listener than talking. The person in mourning would appreciate the effort you took in their recovery.

Here are words that you can say              
1. I'm here for you.
2. I'll help in whatever way i can unless that is something you don't want right now.
3. Its good to see you laugh ___________________ would like that.
4. He/She always liked to see you happy.
5. It's so hard, isn't it each time a new memory comes up.
6. I am sorry it hurts so much can I help.
7. If I can do anything let me know.
8. You can cry if you want it's okay.

 Here are words that you never say
1. I know just how you feel.
2. At lease you have the other children.
3. It is terrible for her.
4. Life must go on  ______________ you know you will feel better.
5. You can always have another child.
6. It's time to snap out of it.
7. This too shall past.
8. He/She is in a better place with no pain.
9. You can always remarry.
10. There is a light at the end of the tunnel.

I hope that those of you who reads this blog would have a better understanding of what is best said and not said, it is up to the individual to act appropriately when in the company of any family members that is grieving a loss, whether you know the individual that has died or not, thanks for viewing and reading this information.

What you asked for

Hello my  friends i have promised to share with you where i have been on my trip to Grenada now that I have done so I will be putting Articles that is much needed on my Blog about Death and Dying I do hope to have one up sometime next week for your viewing.

My Home Land Grenada

A water taxi

A Familiar Statue along the waterfront

When ever the name  Grenada is mentioned I think of no other place but home, and that is what she is to me and because of this she will always be home no matter where I am living. The thing about this Island called Grenada or " The Isles of Spice" is it\s people, the natural beauty, the culture, and most of all the warmth atmosphere of island. I do hope you enjoy some of her beautiful sights., that I have posted. When you are thinking about a peaceful holiday think about this Island and you will see why it is called the Island in the Sun also. Here is where I say have an open mind to the scenery, think of tranquillity as you walk through this island streets.

Walking along the water's edge can be very peaceful and if you like the tranquillity of the water as the water hits the break wall you can sit and listen to it with no one bothering you.

A look at part of the Carenage

Imagine that you are there right now tell me what  you are thinking and wishing as you open your eyes  and view the beautiful scenery of the houses perch along the hillside.

A view of the Catholic Cathedral

A cruise ship  at Berth on the Pier

 

A worker on the Rhum Runner is tying up the rope

Grave Site History

As we walk through any grave site it can tell a lot about the history of that particular area just by observing the dates on the head stones, what it tells us are the dates of both birth and death, also the name of the individual who was buried. The family name may also be inscribed on the head stone which allows you to trace your ancestor's if you care to do so. 
 
Imagine living during the year eighteen seventy eight (1878) what a story this lady would have to tell you if you could have met her alive, but unfortunately she died in nineteen fifty six (1956) just think of the many people that died before her,  you can at least figure out how old this grave site is, I know that with those dates we can go back and research when the first burial took place there.

Here is a plaque about the history of Leaper's Hill, this place is so steep in history that it needs to be preserved, as part of the tourist attraction, but it is left in a way that no one have any idea how old the cemetery is, but the plaque will tell you about what happened here with the Carib's when they leaped to their death.


Given the enormous history of this particular site, it is no wonder that people who hears about it always wants to visit the place but it is in need of desperate preserving, no one at present has taking the time and effort to do so, which is in part due to lack of funds or resources to carry out the restoration that is needed,

on the flip side of it are artifacts that lies around the grave site take for example this old cannon that is rusting in the cemetery, it is  all due to sea air blast since the age of time.


My eyes were drawn to this particular grave where two person's the Grandchild and the Grandmother were buried in the same grave something that may have started a long time ago due to space that was not available for all the family members. I am looking at the dates and can immediately see that they both died on the same day different month, and may be, that was the reason for burying them together so that their families can remember them as dying on that day.

Although the grave site is in a bit of a shambles and in need of desperate restoration, it makes sense to have it on the map as a tourist attraction,  and it also makes sense to have the site properly maintain and the grave site restore to it's proper conditions.

Located on the hill called "Leapers Hill" in the parish of St.Patrick's in the town of Sauteur's adds to the surrounding  part of Grenada's heritage and  the natural history of the island, to me it is a beautiful site that looks over the sea which lends to a tranquil and peaceful setting of the grave site.

Although the Grave site is a small area one can take their time strolling through and just admiring the different dates and names on the tomb stones,I saw stones that were lying flat on the ground toppled over due to erosion  and many years of neglect, by relatives and friends, if the site needs to remain as part of the history of Grenada, it needs to be properly maintained.

The Unconventional Tombs

This is what a two tier looks like

In a Country where grave sites are limited,as one can see in the distance the new norm of tombs are all due to limited space for burials, what was normal then is now passe in some communities,and it is getting harder to find burial sites in the cemetery, so families are reverting to having three tier tombs built and they can be seen in most cemeteries especially in the City these three tier tombs are called by the local inhabitants "Condos for the Dead." In the days when the tombs were build as a normal and standard entity  is not  the norm in a grave site today.

Another view of the two tier

The tombs that you are looking at is only two tiers high now imagine how high the three tiers are, because space is and issue at the cemeteries on the island the is only one way to go which is up, but the land scape at the cemeteries are becoming to look more like a housing scheme instead of a cemetery.

An ordinary grave as it should be

On the right is a look at what the normal grave site looked like before the two and three tier tombs were constructed it is ashamed to know that because of space that the land scape of the cemeteries are now changing to resemble the landscape of modern housing, not for the living but for the dead. In some cases on the island families are allowed to bury their dead on their land if there is enough room to do so given certain circumstances, that is that the property remains in the family possession, or if the lands are sold the family fenced the area around the tombs and maintain the grave site. The funeral homes are  now performing cremations in order to save on burial sites,which means lands are being saved.

Remembering When

Looking out between the mountain ridges is a clear view of the sea

This is a similar shot but a different view

I am sitting with my Aunt in the veranda chatting about the days I spend with her,while growing up in the village at the bottom of the hill, it  has started to rain and we are forced to go inside the house to take shelter, until the rain has passed, a few hours of rain fell before the sun began shining, around us are trees of green when I say green that  meant dark green leaves, that cannot  be seen any where else but here, where the house is tucked under the canopy of the rain forest, this place is in the parish of St. John's in a little town called Grand Roy and the house is up  the mountain which is known to many as Mount Plaisir,

A rainbow after the rain

 
As the rain stopped and the sun came out this magnificent rainbow appeared across the mountain, using the trees as a backdrop, the awe of the colors and what it stands for was breath taking.

A awesome rainbow

This is what a cocoa pod looks like inside are the cocoa beans

Looking around the area one can see hanging from the trees are the pods of nutmegs and cocoa some thing not many of us have ever seen or know where these products we use in the kitchen comes from and how they are cultivated

This is the pod of a nutmeg the actual nutmeg is inside along with the mace

As I walked down toward the village at the bottom of the hill where i spent time with my Grandmother the houses are closer now than before, in the village every body will tell you that they are related to you in some way, the closeness of the villagers are what is so remarkable that everyone always say that they know where everyone lives is you asked for the person you are looking for.

The Catholic Church as a pillar of the Community

One of the established pillar's of the community is the catholic Church that is in the same spot when I grew up, it is more modern now since the hurricane (Ivan) passed through and had to be rebuilt, another pillar in the community is the Police Station which is situated in the corner before the Church, there are now roughly three other churches in the village today.

This shop was owned by my Grandmother

The picture to your right is the shop that was belonged to my Grandmother it stands in the same spot as I have known it after all these years,  now run by my cousin and her children,which is a well know place in the village. The locals will tell you that when they are in need of something that the other shops do not have you need to ask the owner in the blue shop she always almost have what you need.

A Piece of Paradise

Grand Anse Beach Looking North

It is not to often that you hear of Grenada the Isle of Spice as Paradise, but I must say, it sure looks like that to me. Imagine this close your eyes and think of a beach where the sand is white and the water's are turquoise, and as you step into it you can see your feet at the bottom on the sand. Yes it is true, located in St.George's the beach I am talking about is Grand Anse Beach, where most of the locals spend the early morning swimming,  and  the visitor's late afternoon lulling and  sun tanning.

Grand Anse Beach Looking West

The local inhabitants of Grenada that lives in close proximity to the Grand Anse beach can be seen  swimming as early as 4:30 am before  going to work, it is a ritual for most, and among the workers are the retiree's beach walkers and students, that live near by. The weekends are crowded as  many families emerges onto the beach for a picnic and to spend the day swimming, where they meet friends or family to catch up on the past week activities.

A participant of sail Grenada

This is what a Piece of Paradise is all about, the tranquility of the water and the white sand makes Grand Anse Beach  a place for all to enjoy whether you are a visitor,  returning Grenadian or a foreign student the beautiful sand and the water makes this place where you would want to be, need I say more just looking at the pictures says it all, so the next time you want a vacation think of Grenada and enjoy a Piece of Paradise.