I Never Know What To Say

I found it hard to express myself when someone you know dies, most of the time words come out wrong and that can hurt more to the grieving relatives, if you do not have any kind words to say it is best to be quiet, in most cases the best you can say is except my sympathy.

One of the hardest things to do when someone dies is knowing what to say. We do not say things intentionally, to cause the person who is in mourning more pain that they are already going through, it is difficult to know exactly what to say in any circumstance, due to a loss. It is best at times not to say anything, but to say I am sorry to hear of _________________ death, or simple be silent.

It is our human nature to talk, but when words are spoken out of context, we may do more harm than good to that person that is in mourning. We try so hard to please people who are in crisis situation, but each situation is very different. We also try hard to help out in many ways, but there is a right and wrong way to do this. there are no sanctioned way of expressing either professional or personal sympathy for the loss of a friend, there are now greeting cards to show that you care, but expressing your sympathy and condolence in person is one of the best ways.

In order to help someone mourn we must first know ourselves, and the limitation that we as individuals can cope with. We cannot help anyone that is in mourning the death of a loved one, if we have not dealt with any issues of the death of a loved one. We have to be comfortable with the issues, and the steps one goes through, when it comes to mourning the loss of a loved one or any other loss.

If we are in a position to help, then go ahead and do so,but wait for the person or someone to ask. It is not wrong to say no, but it would be a disaster to say yes and that somewhere down the road, you turn your back and walk away without any explanation. It is a great responsibility when asked to help a friend in mourning, if you can in anyway do so, if you cannot say no. They would understand if it is explained to them.

Here are some of the ways we can help someone that is mourning any loss especially a loved one who has

1.  Take your cues from them.
2.   Look for hand gestures, head movement or eye contact.
3.   Listening ..................... let them verbalize.
4.   Hold  their hands while listening to them verbalize.
5.   Give them  permission to cry.
6.   Be there for your friend.
7.   Assure the person that it will be okay.

In as much as we hate the part that death plays, it is in our nature to impose our ideas to a person that needs the support. This is a mistake, and will be unfair to the person(s) in mourning, before saying anything that may sound negative give it lots of thought, because what you say will have an impact on that person for a long time. 

If we take a more gentle approach, in knowing what to say in times of loss, be through a death, a divorce or loss of a job find the time to be an active listener than talking. The person in mourning would appreciate the effort you took in their recovery.

Here are words that you can say              
1. I'm here for you.
2. I'll help in whatever way i can unless that is something you don't want right now.
3. Its good to see you laugh ___________________ would like that.
4. He/She always liked to see you happy.
5. It's so hard, isn't it each time a new memory comes up.
6. I am sorry it hurts so much can I help.
7. If I can do anything let me know.
8. You can cry if you want it's okay.

 Here are words that you never say
1. I know just how you feel.
2. At lease you have the other children.
3. It is terrible for her.
4. Life must go on  ______________ you know you will feel better.
5. You can always have another child.
6. It's time to snap out of it.
7. This too shall past.
8. He/She is in a better place with no pain.
9. You can always remarry.
10. There is a light at the end of the tunnel.

I hope that those of you who reads this blog would have a better understanding of what is best said and not said, it is up to the individual to act appropriately when in the company of any family members that is grieving a loss, whether you know the individual that has died or not, thanks for viewing and reading this information.