People with Developmental Disability

The task of Their  Grief   part 4

Guidelines to help Individuals with Developmental Disabilities through the Grieving Process
   
Tell the person that the death or loss has occur

Adults with developmental disabilities should participate as full citizens in the community
 
They must not be denied the opportunity to learn about life and death events that affect them immediately.            
 
Allow them the full range of human experience

They will be prepared to cope with the loss if they learn about it in a direct way.


Some suggestions for telling an Adult with Developmental Disabilities about a loss of someone close.

Identify a person who is close or at least known and is familiar with the adult to break the news about the loss.      
            .
Carefully choose the initial statement and the setting where the person is told about it.

 Explain the loss in a way that maximizes the person's ability to understand.

  Do not worry too much if you happen to say something in a manner that wasn't perfect.

  Allow and encourage the person to share his or her feelings.


If grief response seems overwhelming to you the care provider then you should seek professional help for the individuals with developmental disabilities that experience the death, or someone close to them, and may have an opposite response. They may also appear to be calm, and may not want to talk about the loss. Adults with developmental disabilities would benefit from having someone who will initiate conversation about the loss.

It is a good idea however, to force the person that had the loss to talk to you about the subject, instead, offer them the chance to talk with you about it on their terms when ever they can which may be over a period of time, lasting at least several months.

One reason people avoid talking about a death is because they do not know what to say or what to do. They feel helpless and know they cannot solve the problem. You are not there to solve a problem, but can comfort someone who is going through emotional pain.

You can listen, give a hug and or hold a hand, do an activity that was done previously by the person that left or died, so that the person with the developmental disabilities is not alone, and reassure him/her that someone will be there for them in the future. Remember that grief process takes time, the length of time people grieve is individualized, and last longer that most people expect.
            

People with Developmental Disability

This is part three in the series
 The Task of Their Grief Process


People often try to protect individuals with developmental disabilities from harsh realities of life and death, for fear that they will be affected by death or loss of someone close to them, we must understand that they do not live in a vacuum but see and maybe hear what is around them. In some ways that may have been left out of a family gathering and rituals surrounding death, such as funerals, viewing of the body as well as their own grief.

As a care provider working with developmental disabled I have seen the fallout of behavior problems all this happened when a staff member died, and some of our consumers were not allowed to attend the funeral rituals, they moved into a new residence and they were disruptive behavior, it was not until this individual was asked if he wanted to visit the grave site that his behaviors began to diminished, this happened (visits to the grave) occasionally and now that he had gone through the grieving process he back to his old self.

In general individuals with developmental disabilities have fewer social support systems than people without disabilities most do not marry or have children, and have limited opportunities to develop friendships. Older adults on the other hand have experienced multiple losses over the years, such as residential transitions, losses of friends with whom they have lived with, staff turn over, and changes in job and vocational settings. If a person dies that was the primary care provider of the adult with developmental disabilities many losses may occur all at once.

Grief can become more complicated when someone experiences several losses. Individuals may not know how to deal with their losses, they may not have been around death before or had training that would enable them to understand better what occurred.
 Most individuals need some form of life long  support, especially if it was provided by the person that died, to that individual the future may appear very frightening, the death can increase fear that others in this bereaved persons life will die soon or leave.

People with Developmental Disabilities

The Task of  Their Grief  Process ( Part 2 )

In order for anyone to successfully complete the mourning process four task are needed.

 First.
 To accept the reality of the loss.The individual have to realize that the person is dead, or gone and will never return.

 Second
     To experience the pain of grief, that can be emotional or physical pain of grief once the reality is faced.

 Third
      To adjust to an environment in which a loved one is missing  Individuals will need to adjust to the loss of companionship, emotional support and the loss of activities.

   Fourth
    To withdraw emotional energy and reinvest it in another relationship this is not to say forget the one who died, but let it remain in their heart and mind forever. Individuals with developmental disabilities may need to be reassured that many other individuals care about them and are willing to be supportive of their needs.
  

Difficulty in learning or understanding is one of the major reasons why some family members and professionals do not talk about death to individuals with developmental disabilities and they get left out of the grieving process. It is critical for care provider's to realize that individuals with developmental disabilities do need to understand the concept of death in order to feel loss.

Many individuals with developmental disabilities do not express their emotions in a manner that might be considered typical. Their faces and words may not reflect their true feelings. The care providers must look for indicators of their feelings, such as behaviours. Individuals with developmental disabilities have a tendency to say yes to whatever question a person they are interacting with may pose. This is more to please people and a way to be socially accepted. For some individuals with developmental  disabilities a change in their behaviour may show us that they are upset more than what they say, it may be that they had experience a death or loss of someone close.

(To be continued with Part 3)

People with Developmental Disabilities

The Task of their Grief Process  ( Part 1 )

The average person on the street when asked what death is, may have some clear understanding about it, and what death and grieving is about. In most cases the individuals with developmental disabilities does not  have a clue what death and grieving is, this all have to do with their thinking and developmental stage.

The individual(s) who is severely developmentally delayed  problems arise when he/she is trying to comprehend the process of death and grieving. People with developmental disabilities develop close ties to other individuals and will experience loss at various times during their life. It is not unusual for individuals with developmental disabilities to form attachments with their care providers, only to be separated from them bay a change in the care provider's job situation.

The Bereavement Counselor can help the individual(s) understand the process by being aware of their emotions and physical patterns, which should be observed by the care provider and passed on to the Bereavement Counselor. The other side of the coin are individuals with less severe developmental disabilities, that do have some knowledge but still cannot process death and grieving.

We must be very careful what is said when a disabled person loses someone dear to them, it is important to understand and help individuals with developmental disabilities go through the grieving process because they often have a hard time showing and dealing with grief.

People with developmental disabilities are protected by care providers,guardians and family members, although their intentions is to protect them from upsetting events they are kept from dealing with grief, it is often assumed that they have little or no awareness of the grieving process as it relates to the final loss.

Since each individual with developmental disabilities is different and unique, grief is often displayed and often misunderstood and is then discouraged, particularly when the emotional and behavioural expressions of grief are intense or very disruptive.

On the whole, individuals with developmental disabilities are frequently unprepared, when it comes to dealing with their grief, and usually they receive little or no assistance through the mourning process. in individuals with  mental disabilities  bereavement becomes apparent when the individual displays behaviour that implies they are upset over the separation from a person, pet, object or situation.

People grieve for different periods of time. developmental Impairments complicated the grieving process because the individual may experience greater difficulties in expressing emotions, adapting to change in relationships, and understanding between life and death. It is important that individuals with mental disabilities be allowed to express their grief and be encouraged to talk about their loss (given their ability to talk, using sign language, and by  using communication board.)

An individual who is developmentally disabled cannot understand what mourning is all about, it is then up to the care providers, family members or guardian to help the person understand the stages of mourning. If we take a look at the stages that need to be dealt with in order for the mourning process to begin it may be difficult for a individual with developmental disabilities to understand.


To Be Continued

I Never Know What To Say

I found it hard to express myself when someone you know dies, most of the time words come out wrong and that can hurt more to the grieving relatives, if you do not have any kind words to say it is best to be quiet, in most cases the best you can say is except my sympathy.

One of the hardest things to do when someone dies is knowing what to say. We do not say things intentionally, to cause the person who is in mourning more pain that they are already going through, it is difficult to know exactly what to say in any circumstance, due to a loss. It is best at times not to say anything, but to say I am sorry to hear of _________________ death, or simple be silent.

It is our human nature to talk, but when words are spoken out of context, we may do more harm than good to that person that is in mourning. We try so hard to please people who are in crisis situation, but each situation is very different. We also try hard to help out in many ways, but there is a right and wrong way to do this. there are no sanctioned way of expressing either professional or personal sympathy for the loss of a friend, there are now greeting cards to show that you care, but expressing your sympathy and condolence in person is one of the best ways.

In order to help someone mourn we must first know ourselves, and the limitation that we as individuals can cope with. We cannot help anyone that is in mourning the death of a loved one, if we have not dealt with any issues of the death of a loved one. We have to be comfortable with the issues, and the steps one goes through, when it comes to mourning the loss of a loved one or any other loss.

If we are in a position to help, then go ahead and do so,but wait for the person or someone to ask. It is not wrong to say no, but it would be a disaster to say yes and that somewhere down the road, you turn your back and walk away without any explanation. It is a great responsibility when asked to help a friend in mourning, if you can in anyway do so, if you cannot say no. They would understand if it is explained to them.

Here are some of the ways we can help someone that is mourning any loss especially a loved one who has

1.  Take your cues from them.
2.   Look for hand gestures, head movement or eye contact.
3.   Listening ..................... let them verbalize.
4.   Hold  their hands while listening to them verbalize.
5.   Give them  permission to cry.
6.   Be there for your friend.
7.   Assure the person that it will be okay.

In as much as we hate the part that death plays, it is in our nature to impose our ideas to a person that needs the support. This is a mistake, and will be unfair to the person(s) in mourning, before saying anything that may sound negative give it lots of thought, because what you say will have an impact on that person for a long time. 

If we take a more gentle approach, in knowing what to say in times of loss, be through a death, a divorce or loss of a job find the time to be an active listener than talking. The person in mourning would appreciate the effort you took in their recovery.

Here are words that you can say              
1. I'm here for you.
2. I'll help in whatever way i can unless that is something you don't want right now.
3. Its good to see you laugh ___________________ would like that.
4. He/She always liked to see you happy.
5. It's so hard, isn't it each time a new memory comes up.
6. I am sorry it hurts so much can I help.
7. If I can do anything let me know.
8. You can cry if you want it's okay.

 Here are words that you never say
1. I know just how you feel.
2. At lease you have the other children.
3. It is terrible for her.
4. Life must go on  ______________ you know you will feel better.
5. You can always have another child.
6. It's time to snap out of it.
7. This too shall past.
8. He/She is in a better place with no pain.
9. You can always remarry.
10. There is a light at the end of the tunnel.

I hope that those of you who reads this blog would have a better understanding of what is best said and not said, it is up to the individual to act appropriately when in the company of any family members that is grieving a loss, whether you know the individual that has died or not, thanks for viewing and reading this information.

What you asked for

Hello my  friends i have promised to share with you where i have been on my trip to Grenada now that I have done so I will be putting Articles that is much needed on my Blog about Death and Dying I do hope to have one up sometime next week for your viewing.

My Home Land Grenada

A water taxi

A Familiar Statue along the waterfront

When ever the name  Grenada is mentioned I think of no other place but home, and that is what she is to me and because of this she will always be home no matter where I am living. The thing about this Island called Grenada or " The Isles of Spice" is it\s people, the natural beauty, the culture, and most of all the warmth atmosphere of island. I do hope you enjoy some of her beautiful sights., that I have posted. When you are thinking about a peaceful holiday think about this Island and you will see why it is called the Island in the Sun also. Here is where I say have an open mind to the scenery, think of tranquillity as you walk through this island streets.

Walking along the water's edge can be very peaceful and if you like the tranquillity of the water as the water hits the break wall you can sit and listen to it with no one bothering you.

A look at part of the Carenage

Imagine that you are there right now tell me what  you are thinking and wishing as you open your eyes  and view the beautiful scenery of the houses perch along the hillside.

A view of the Catholic Cathedral

A cruise ship  at Berth on the Pier

 

A worker on the Rhum Runner is tying up the rope

Grave Site History

As we walk through any grave site it can tell a lot about the history of that particular area just by observing the dates on the head stones, what it tells us are the dates of both birth and death, also the name of the individual who was buried. The family name may also be inscribed on the head stone which allows you to trace your ancestor's if you care to do so. 
 
Imagine living during the year eighteen seventy eight (1878) what a story this lady would have to tell you if you could have met her alive, but unfortunately she died in nineteen fifty six (1956) just think of the many people that died before her,  you can at least figure out how old this grave site is, I know that with those dates we can go back and research when the first burial took place there.

Here is a plaque about the history of Leaper's Hill, this place is so steep in history that it needs to be preserved, as part of the tourist attraction, but it is left in a way that no one have any idea how old the cemetery is, but the plaque will tell you about what happened here with the Carib's when they leaped to their death.


Given the enormous history of this particular site, it is no wonder that people who hears about it always wants to visit the place but it is in need of desperate preserving, no one at present has taking the time and effort to do so, which is in part due to lack of funds or resources to carry out the restoration that is needed,

on the flip side of it are artifacts that lies around the grave site take for example this old cannon that is rusting in the cemetery, it is  all due to sea air blast since the age of time.


My eyes were drawn to this particular grave where two person's the Grandchild and the Grandmother were buried in the same grave something that may have started a long time ago due to space that was not available for all the family members. I am looking at the dates and can immediately see that they both died on the same day different month, and may be, that was the reason for burying them together so that their families can remember them as dying on that day.

Although the grave site is in a bit of a shambles and in need of desperate restoration, it makes sense to have it on the map as a tourist attraction,  and it also makes sense to have the site properly maintain and the grave site restore to it's proper conditions.

Located on the hill called "Leapers Hill" in the parish of St.Patrick's in the town of Sauteur's adds to the surrounding  part of Grenada's heritage and  the natural history of the island, to me it is a beautiful site that looks over the sea which lends to a tranquil and peaceful setting of the grave site.

Although the Grave site is a small area one can take their time strolling through and just admiring the different dates and names on the tomb stones,I saw stones that were lying flat on the ground toppled over due to erosion  and many years of neglect, by relatives and friends, if the site needs to remain as part of the history of Grenada, it needs to be properly maintained.

The Unconventional Tombs

This is what a two tier looks like

In a Country where grave sites are limited,as one can see in the distance the new norm of tombs are all due to limited space for burials, what was normal then is now passe in some communities,and it is getting harder to find burial sites in the cemetery, so families are reverting to having three tier tombs built and they can be seen in most cemeteries especially in the City these three tier tombs are called by the local inhabitants "Condos for the Dead." In the days when the tombs were build as a normal and standard entity  is not  the norm in a grave site today.

Another view of the two tier

The tombs that you are looking at is only two tiers high now imagine how high the three tiers are, because space is and issue at the cemeteries on the island the is only one way to go which is up, but the land scape at the cemeteries are becoming to look more like a housing scheme instead of a cemetery.

An ordinary grave as it should be

On the right is a look at what the normal grave site looked like before the two and three tier tombs were constructed it is ashamed to know that because of space that the land scape of the cemeteries are now changing to resemble the landscape of modern housing, not for the living but for the dead. In some cases on the island families are allowed to bury their dead on their land if there is enough room to do so given certain circumstances, that is that the property remains in the family possession, or if the lands are sold the family fenced the area around the tombs and maintain the grave site. The funeral homes are  now performing cremations in order to save on burial sites,which means lands are being saved.

Remembering When

Looking out between the mountain ridges is a clear view of the sea

This is a similar shot but a different view

I am sitting with my Aunt in the veranda chatting about the days I spend with her,while growing up in the village at the bottom of the hill, it  has started to rain and we are forced to go inside the house to take shelter, until the rain has passed, a few hours of rain fell before the sun began shining, around us are trees of green when I say green that  meant dark green leaves, that cannot  be seen any where else but here, where the house is tucked under the canopy of the rain forest, this place is in the parish of St. John's in a little town called Grand Roy and the house is up  the mountain which is known to many as Mount Plaisir,

A rainbow after the rain

 
As the rain stopped and the sun came out this magnificent rainbow appeared across the mountain, using the trees as a backdrop, the awe of the colors and what it stands for was breath taking.

A awesome rainbow

This is what a cocoa pod looks like inside are the cocoa beans

Looking around the area one can see hanging from the trees are the pods of nutmegs and cocoa some thing not many of us have ever seen or know where these products we use in the kitchen comes from and how they are cultivated

This is the pod of a nutmeg the actual nutmeg is inside along with the mace

As I walked down toward the village at the bottom of the hill where i spent time with my Grandmother the houses are closer now than before, in the village every body will tell you that they are related to you in some way, the closeness of the villagers are what is so remarkable that everyone always say that they know where everyone lives is you asked for the person you are looking for.

The Catholic Church as a pillar of the Community

One of the established pillar's of the community is the catholic Church that is in the same spot when I grew up, it is more modern now since the hurricane (Ivan) passed through and had to be rebuilt, another pillar in the community is the Police Station which is situated in the corner before the Church, there are now roughly three other churches in the village today.

This shop was owned by my Grandmother

The picture to your right is the shop that was belonged to my Grandmother it stands in the same spot as I have known it after all these years,  now run by my cousin and her children,which is a well know place in the village. The locals will tell you that when they are in need of something that the other shops do not have you need to ask the owner in the blue shop she always almost have what you need.

A Piece of Paradise

Grand Anse Beach Looking North

It is not to often that you hear of Grenada the Isle of Spice as Paradise, but I must say, it sure looks like that to me. Imagine this close your eyes and think of a beach where the sand is white and the water's are turquoise, and as you step into it you can see your feet at the bottom on the sand. Yes it is true, located in St.George's the beach I am talking about is Grand Anse Beach, where most of the locals spend the early morning swimming,  and  the visitor's late afternoon lulling and  sun tanning.

Grand Anse Beach Looking West

The local inhabitants of Grenada that lives in close proximity to the Grand Anse beach can be seen  swimming as early as 4:30 am before  going to work, it is a ritual for most, and among the workers are the retiree's beach walkers and students, that live near by. The weekends are crowded as  many families emerges onto the beach for a picnic and to spend the day swimming, where they meet friends or family to catch up on the past week activities.

A participant of sail Grenada

This is what a Piece of Paradise is all about, the tranquility of the water and the white sand makes Grand Anse Beach  a place for all to enjoy whether you are a visitor,  returning Grenadian or a foreign student the beautiful sand and the water makes this place where you would want to be, need I say more just looking at the pictures says it all, so the next time you want a vacation think of Grenada and enjoy a Piece of Paradise.

History on the Town Of Sauteurs in Grenada

This is where the Carib's believed to have jumped

The town of Sauteurs is located on the North side of the island in the parish of St. Patrick's. The town got its name from an historical event that took placed in the mid-seventeenth century. The  French were fighting the Carib inhabitants for possession of the island. The Carib warriors facing defeat, ran to the cliff overlooking Sauteurs Bay and leaped to their death,rather than surrender.
"The town of the Leapers". The catholic Church now stands on that site today. Imagine what it would take today for you to jump off the precipice to your death in today's era, now imagine the tragic event that took place over Three Hundred years ago.

Another shot showing a possible jump off point

Grenada's inhabitants before the French and English colonisation were Amerindian Carib Race. In 1651, after much struggle for control of the Island the Carib's were driven and forced to the North of the island, it has been reported that about over forty Caribs leaped over the cliff to their death.

Grenada Carnival

These were taken as the bands made their way to the Judge's stands

Enjoy the scenes from old mas( Jouvert)

Revellers enjoying themselves

The  carnival season is now in full gear and the people on the island are attending various shows this week all leading up to Monday morning jouvert,but it cannot be compared to that of Trinidad, New York  or Toronto Caribana. I must say it was something I had to see and compare the other parades to and make a comparison to where Grenada carnival stood.As you can see from the pictures that I have posted it was around 5:30am in the morning and the bands were just starting to get organized, all in all the music was loud as the calypso music was being played.The revellers were just having a great time working up their bodies and sweating as they went along. The favourite part of the morning was the way they  dressed in skimpy outfits some just wearing a bra and underwear, but all having a great time, in order to walk between them one had to dress in  old clothes so that when any of the masquerader's touched you or even pass close to you, which you can have paint on you clothes can be discarded. I can only say this, most revellers did enjoyed themselves, during the festive season  of the  carnival.  I can say this much about the people of Grenada they know how to get a party going and  how to enjoy herself, most of the Grenadians that played mas say that it  was  well put together but because of the economic situation it was not as spectacular as previous years, but hope next year is  better than this year's masquerade, to appreciate what carnival is all about you have to be here on this beautiful island of Grenada they call the Isle's of Spice.The pictures you are looking at was taken on Jouvert morning early and later in the morning around 7 :45 am enough said it was something that i have not witnessed in quite a long time and I am glad that i had the opportunity to come back to Grenada and see for myself what it was all about.